Make Your Way Through the Stages of Marriage & Relationship

Make Your Way Through the Stages of Marriage & Relationship

Dawn J. Lipthrott, LCSW

Are You Going through a Stage? It's Normal!
By Dawn Lipthrott, LCSW

We've all heard jokes about marriage or exclusive committed relationship ruining a perfectly good relationship. And it might even feel like that in your own relationship or in that of someone you care about. Why does something that starts out feeling so good seem to go downhill once you take that step of commitment? One reason is that relationships go through predictable stages, although the intensity may vary from person to person and couple to couple.

You may notice that relationships with friends, a boss, a job, or an adopted child may follow a similar pattern; everything seems wonderful and then the "honeymoon" is over. Frustrations or hurt feelings begin to mount. In marriage or in a deeply committed love relationship, these stages take on new intensity. There is much more at stake when we make a commitment to spend our lives together to love and be loved.

So why does the love seem to go away? One of the culprits is that couples get stuck in one of the early stages and are no longer moving through them.

Take a look at the basic stages:
Stage I: Romantic Love: Convicted of LUI (Loving Under the Influence)

The Romantic Love stage often feels so good that you want it to last forever. In fact, you expect it to last forever! In a new job or a new love, everything seems perfect at first. When you see things that you don't like, you might deny or at least minimize them. You tend to go above and beyond what is required or expected. You feel energized, alive, and filled with new dreams. In romantic relationships, your heart is filled with love and you know that this person loves you. You both find many ways to show your love. When you're apart, you are thinking of one another. Everything feels right. Some people feel a sense of finally 'being home' or of being 'complete', feeling alive and connected.

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posted by Robert Heard at 12:40 PM