Dating From the Inside Out

Dating From the Inside Out
by Susan S. Davis
Relationship Components

If you ask any relationship counselor or therapist, most would agree that the foundation of any good romantic relationship includes:

1) Passion

2) Commitment

3) Intimacy

4) Love

While passion is usually thought to be physical affection or sex, the strongest type of passion often originates from a strong desire to be with another person, rather than simply a physical connection or attraction, which is why its power cannot easily be measured.

Commitment is often thought to be both emotional and intellectual devotion to the relationship. Intimacy, which is often confused with sex, is actually more of a sense of feeling close and connected, on a spiritual rather than strictly physical level. This is why, lacking any cerebral dedication, some people can engage in casual sexual activity and then so easily abandon any involvement with a particular person.

Commitment, in actuality, often involves a sense of welfare for a partner, desiring happiness for them and respect, while being able to count on the other in times of need. It also includes mutual understanding, sharing, talking intimately, giving emotional support, valuing the other, and finding the partner to be predictable and trustworthy.


Love or Lust
Love may be thought of as a warm emotional feeling for a partner, in which the bonding force of the relationship encompasses passion, commitment and intimacy. Just thinking about a person can trigger an influx of positive sensations of varying physical, emotional and spiritual kinds.

Sexual chemistry is an important component in many relationships, some more than others. It’s important to realize that, in the long term, there may come a time when that bright physical excitement that carried you along fades a little, tapers off more than you would have liked, or even vanishes. While there are remedies for these situations, it still bears to question, where does that leave you? If that was all that your relationship consisted of, you may begin to feel the lack of the other components, such as having some similar interests, life goals and values.

Of course, other things interact with the four components mentioned above, such as similarity, predictability, attraction, personal needs and family concerns, and, of course mutuality. But without the foundation of those four components to some degree, all of the other issues such as religion, location, friendship, common interests, hobbies, life style, age, children, philosophies and general values won’t be worth evaluating. In order to truly partner with someone, on any level, the issues that are most important to both parties must be confronted and dealt with to each person’s satisfaction.

On the issue of children, another aspect to consider is the raising of them. It’s all fine and good to “want children,” but the subject is much deeper than that. This is where areas such as religion, number of children, how they will be raised in terms of general philosophy, including things such as capital punishment, and in what situations, is very important to be clear on before having them.

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posted by Robert Heard at 9:52 AM