My Story

My Survivor Story
&
Background Information


I wanted to create this website to be informative and inspirational, as well as supportive. These are all things that I found difficult to find on my own healing journey. The resources available where I live are very limited. Just keep looking, resources are out there!
I hope that in sharing some of my story, it will enable others to come forward and share, dispelling the horrible secrets hidden away, or at the very least, to help other survivors understand that we are not alone.


My Story


Wisdoms





I am a 31 year old female from Wisconsin who was mentally and sexually abused by my stepfather from the ages of 12 to 18. He was also my gradeschool teacher.

I was never able to tell anyone my horrible secret while the abuse was happening. My mother, for the most part, suspected what was going on, but did nothing. I had no other family or friends that I could turn to.

I was able to leave and end the abuse once I graduated high school. I thought I was finally finished with the hell. Once I was in college, however, I became depressed and severly anxious. The only person that knew what had happened was my husband. I did seek out therapy on and off during college. These endeavors proved to be unhelpful and once again, I was left to deal with the aftermath.

When I had finished college and found a career that I loved, I was once again ready to start the healing process. I found an extremely wonderful, and very compassionate therapist, who has guided me on that journey. There have been many ups and downs. A lot of shame, pain, hurt, anger, and grief have been released, but the fact that I am healing has been worth it. I have worked very hard both in therapy and out and we have been extremely committed to my healing.

I am currently still in therapy, learning to heal and cope. I have also made the decision to seek legal action against my stepfather. This has been a very difficult road and one that certainly isn't for everybody, but hopefully my actions will be able to help someone else. Please feel free to go to the reporting process page of my site for more information.

I truly hope that hearing some of my story has been helpful and I would welcome anyone who wants to share their story to email me. If you would like, I can create a page for other survivor's stories. It's important to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!





Here are some of my personal simple advice, reflections, and things that I have learned from important people in my life. These ideas apply to anyone that has been sexually abused, and their loved ones, no matter what stage in the healing process you or they are at:





You are NOT alone! It's rough, but you WILL get through this.

It is NOT your fault. No matter what age you were when the abuse happened! No matter what the circumstances were.

Learn to embrace your beautiful, innocent inner child. She / He needs that unconditional love.

If you are going to enter therapy, find a therapist that you "click" with and is compassionate. Keep looking. They are out there. How many frogs did the princess have to kiss before she found her prince?

Be committed and have faith in the healing process. It won't happen overnight, but with hardwork and determination, you will start to feel better.

Just because you were abused doesn't mean you will automatically abuse your own children.

Many people have not had to deal with abuse before. Don't get discouraged if they don't know how to handle it or say things that are frustrating.

It's OK to feel no matter what emotions come up. Just find a safe place to express them.

People aren't mindreaders. Figure out what you need and express that to people.

You are a survivor. Embrace yourself and what you had to do to survive during the trauma.

Take time out of every day for daydreaming and play.

Everyone's healing journey is different. Do what you need to do for yourself, not based upon what others think.

Appreciate all of the positive things currently in your life.

Live mindfully. Stay in the present by using all of your senses and focusing on what is happening now.

Nurture and love yourself.

Learn relaxation techniques.

A very wise woman once told me: C for Courageous, NOT S for Superwoman. Remember, we can't always do it all. How true this is!

I learned from someone very special about "Cookie People." Everyone needs to have a "Cookie Person." It can be anyone who loves you for you. They can be from your childhood, adulthood, past, or present. Maybe you haven't discovered yours yet. It's never too late. Find yours and appreciate them! Maybe you are your own "Cookie
Person"!

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posted by Robert Heard at 9:58 AM