Functional Families

FUNCTIONAL FAMILIES

by J. Kent Griffiths, DSW

We always hear about "disfunctional families."

But what is a "functional family?" They often have the following characteristics:

1) It has a balance that can adapt to change (not homeostasis)

2) Emotional problems are seen as existing in the unit with components in each person.

3) Connectedness is maintained across generations with all members of the family.

4) There is a minimum of fusion, and distance is not used to solve problems.

5) Each twosome in the family can deal with all problems that occur between them. Triangulation onto third person to arbitrate or judge is discouraged.

6) Differences are not only tolerated but encouraged.

7) Each person can operate selectively using thinking and emotional systems.

8) There is a keen awareness of what each person gets functionally from himself, and what he gets from others. These are the areas of identification and differentiation.

9) There is an awareness of the emptiness in each member of the family, and each person is allowed to have his own emptiness. There is no attempt made to fill it up.

10) The preservation of a positive emotional climate takes precedence over doing what "should" be done and what is "right."

11) Function in the family is determined by each member saying that this is a pretty good family to live in over time.

12) Members of the family can use others in the family as a source of feedback and learning, but not as an enemy.

posted by Robert Heard at 8:53 AM