Communication, Communication, Communication The First Secret for Successful Relationships
By Paul & Layne Cutright
You know the old adage for success in real estate. Location, location, location. Well, a similar adage could apply to success in relationships. Only, it would be communication, communication, communication! Nothing is more important than your relationships, because your relationships affect every part of your life. We think you’ll agree it is in your relationships that your deepest feelings arise. Your relationships can take you from the depths of hurt, disappointment, rage, and grief to the heights of joy, love, anticipation, and ecstasy - sometimes all in the same day and all within one relationship!
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Successful Relationships- What You Need to Know: "
Major issues and impediments to successful relationships and what to do to find a loving and fulfilling relationship.
It can be extremely difficult, if not impossible, to accept the 'truth and nothing but the truth' about ourselves and our personal history.
We all have limits. We all store/hide great pain. We all have expectations that may exceed possibilities...by a wide margin. We have people we trusted who turned on us and cannot reconcile why such a thing occurred. Many have parents who directly or in subtle fashions communicated disapproval, lack of interest, lack of understanding, complete selfishness , or lack of love, etc.
The hurt, the fear, the sense of inadequacy, or feelings of inferiority are all masked behind a brave facade, that may be the diametric opposite of what the person really feels. From 'dressing to kill', to cosmetic surgery, to exaggerating accomplishments that can't be corroborated, people can puff themselves up enough to present themselves the way they want to be seen. "
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IAV|Does Divorce Make People Happy?: "Does Divorce Make People Happy?
Findings from a Study of Unhappy Marriages
Call it the 'divorce assumption.' Most people assume that a person stuck in a bad marriage has two choices: stay married and miserable or get a divorce and become happier.1 But now come the findings from the first scholarly study ever to test that assumption, and these findings challenge conventional wisdom. Conducted by a team of leading family scholars headed by University of Chicago sociologist Linda Waite, the study found no evidence that unhappily married adults who divorced were typically any happier than unhappily married people who stayed married.
Even more dramatically, the researchers also found that two-thirds of unhappily married spouses who stayed married reported that their marriages were happy five years later. In addition, the most unhappy marriages reported the most dramatic turnarounds: among those who rated their marriages as very unhappy, almost eight out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married five years later.2"
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Trust and Relationships: "
by Alan Sieler
All of us, at one stage or other, have experienced a situation in which we have found ourself not trusting another person. This could have been someone we have just met and almost immediately have not felt comfortable with them. Expressions like 'Wouldn't trust him/her as far as 1 could kick them' or 'Wouldn't touch him/her with a forty foot barge pole' express this lack of trust
Unfortunately though, occasionally not trusting someone else also includes those we have known for a while. Doubts begin to creep into our thinking about their motivation and behaviour, and these can begin to have a major impact on the relationship, for our behaviour in relation to the other person will begin to be different"
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Teen Dating Violence: "Dating violence constitutes a wide variety of behaviors that include psychological, physical, and sexual abuse. Although nothing new, dating violence has developed some worrisome trends, with possessive dating behavior extending into even younger ages, and some teens believing that dating violence is acceptable. One in 3 teens has been or will be involved in an abusive relationship, and perpetration and victimization of dating violence are prevalent for both males and females. Females, however, are more likely to be victims.
Dating violence can create lifelong consequences. Adolescents involved with abusive partners report increased levels of depressed mood, substance abuse, antisocial conduct, and suicidal behavior.[4] Victims report negative health problems, such as chronic pain and gastrointestinal disorders that may interfere with or limit daily functioning. Girls often experience depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem."
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Understanding Teens: Opening The Door to a Better Relationship, HYG-5300-98: "Understanding Teens: Opening The Door to a Better Relationship
Eileene Welker
Extension Agent, Family & Consumer Sciences, Tuscarawas County
If you are a parent of a teen, do these statements sound familiar? He won't do anything around the house. She's always in her room. He is always on the phone. She can spend an hour on her hair; why can't she spend five minutes to empty the dishwasher? I can't stand the way teens dress. I'm worried that they may try drugs or become sexually active.
Despite the fact that most parent-teen relationships are warm and caring, issues of independence and increasing conflict emerge during the teen years. These two connected issues may cause you concern as you try to figure out how to handle them.
In recent years, psychologists have revised their idea of healthy parent-teen relationships. They have found that most teens have warm, close relationships with their parents. They care about their parents' opinion of them and hold their parents' opinions in high regard. Many teens who do not have good rapport with their parents have had difficulties with them for years. If your relationship with your child has always been strained, there are ways to relate more positively."
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Common Sleep Problems: "
KidsHealth > Teens > Your Body > Taking Care of Your Body > Common Sleep Problems
Garrett had a hard time waking up for school during his sophomore year. At first he thought it was because he'd been going to bed late over summer vacation and then sleeping in the next day. He assumed he'd adjust to his school schedule after a couple of weeks. But as the school year progressed, Garrett found himself lying awake in bed until 2 or 3 in the morning, even though he got up at 6:30 AM every day. He began falling asleep in class and his grades started to suffer."
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Cutting: "Emma's mom first noticed the cuts when Emma was doing the dishes one night. Emma told her mom that their cat had scratched her. Her mom seemed surprised that the cat had been so rough, but she didn't think much more about it.
Emma's friends had noticed something strange as well. Even when the weather was hot, Emma wore long-sleeved shirts. She had become secretive, too, like something was bothering her. But Emma couldn't seem to find the words to tell her mom or her friends that the marks on her arms were from something that she had done. She was cutting herself with a razor when she felt sad or upset."
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Communication & Relationships Course - 11: "Communication in Sexual Relationships
Personal relationships deteriorate when what is needed and wanted is not expressed; the resulting frustrations build up and result in increasing anxiety and upset. This is particularly likely to occur with sexual relationships, when problems or disagreements about sexual issues are not discussed openly and honestly. If this is the case in your personal life, then here's how to go about improving matters. Note, this is an exercise to do with your sexual partner. Of course, many of the principles apply equally to any sensitive issue.
Break The Ice
* Talk with your partner about why it's hard to talk about sex.
* Share earlier experiences with talking about sex.
* Begin by discussing less threatening topics such as birth control, sex education, etc.
* Gradually move toward discussing more personal feelings and concerns.
* Read and discuss material if it seems easier than spontaneously talking about personal matters.
* Share your sexual histories including such areas as sex education, first experience with sexuality, etc."
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Communication & Relationships Course - 10: "Improving Communication Skills in Relationships
Create a context in which your partner can feel free to share feelings, thoughts, fantasies, hurts, and complaints, without the fear that you will condemn, attack, lecture, or simply withdraw. We tend to be as critical of others as we are of ourselves.
* Know that you have a right to your feelings as others have a right to theirs.
* Working on a relationship always begins with working on ourselves.
* Try not to blame all of the relational problems on your partner.
* Remember, you only have control over changing yourself, not others, and the temptation is to blame others for our problems.
* Don't rush yourself into sharing emotionally painful information.
* Sometimes it's best to write out your concerns in private then share them with your partner at a later time."
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Communication & Relationships Course - 6: "Exercise 5: Questions & Answers
In this exercise you pose a question to your partner from a prepared list (see below). The partner replies and then asks you what the reply was. So you need to listen! Then you ask a further clarifying or extending question, followed by your partner asking you what the reply was to that, and so on.
Remember to ensure that previous exercises are still being practiced, i.e. that you are comfortably being and accepting what is, without going into a reactive mode; that you communicate with adequate intention to reach and be understood clearly; that you always obtain an answer to your question, and acknowledge the answer.
LIST OF QUESTIONS
These are questions about you - your values, your beliefs and your life. Love, money, sex, integrity, generosity, pride and death are all here. To respond to these questions, you will need to examine and interpret your past, project yourself into hypothetical situations, face difficult dilemmas and make painful choices. There are no correct or incorrect answers to these questions, only honest or dishonest ones. Let yourself be swept up in these situations, so that you care about the choices you make. Your partner will ask questions to get you to expand your answers and pursue interesting tangents - give your imagination full rein.
1. What could you do today?
2. For what "
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Communication & Relationships Course - 5: "Exercise 4: Ask Closed & Open Questions
There are two types of question:
The closed question which demands a single answer. For example: 'How old are you?' 'What time is it?' 'Did you go to the concert last night?'
The open question which demands an unlimited amount of information. For example, ask an opinion, that may build on the answer to a closed question: 'What was the concert like?'
In pairs, ask your partner a closed question followed by an open question. Your partner gives the answers to each of these questions. To show you have listened properly, repeat or paraphrase the answer to the open question back to your partner, who corrects you or acknowledges that you duplicated their answer properly."
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Communication & Relationships Course - 4: "Exercise 3: To Receive an Answer to Your Question
We are going to practice this in the context of a common situation in which you need to repeat your question in order to assert your right to a proper answer. The situation is returning a faulty clock to the shop where you bought it, and dealing with the shop assistant who may be helpful or may try to avoid his responsibilities in this matter.
Example:
Student: I am returning this faulty clock. Can I please have my money back?
Coach: Come back another day, please Madam.
Student: That is not necessary as I am here now. Please return my payment as the clock is faulty.
Coach: I'll check the product then Madam.
Student: Thank you.
The emphasis is on getting the point across, not being fobbed off but obtaining a valid response to your question, whilst maintaining politeness and a positive tone. Practice with other situations in which you need to get your point across or obtain an appropriate answer to your question. The Coach makes sure the elements of attention, intention, duplication and acknowledgement are in place, to form a complete cycle of communication.
Each One of Us Has the Right to...
* Say no to a request.
* Not give other people reasons for every action we take.
* Stop others from making excessive demands on us.
* Ask other people"
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Communication & Relationships Course - 8: "Exercise 6: Sentence Completions
With your partner, complete the following sentences, with as much honesty and frankness as you can muster. Move on to the next one when you have uncovered an awareness that you were previously suppressing. (And then be sure to put this self-realisation into action in your life!)
Your partner says, 'Please complete this...'
I am a person who ...
One of the things I'd like people to know about me is ...
One of the things I have to do to survive is ...
All my life, I ...
It isn't easy for me to admit ...
Sometimes I feel frustrated when ...
If I didn't care what people thought, I would ...
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Communication & Relationships Course - 2: "Exercise 1: To Be & To Accept That Which IS
Sit facing your partner and spend some time becoming comfortable in the other's presence. Look each other calmly in the eyes. Be comfortable just being your self, without shrinking away or putting any kind of shield or false personality in between you and the other. Accept the other as he or she is. Accept yourself as you are. With a high degree of empathy and understanding, this acceptance of yourself and another is Love."
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10 Steps To Better Sex!: "10 Steps To Better Sex!
By Lybi Ma
Everyone wants great sex, but how do you get it? It takes a lot of ingredients, such as having the right attitude, trusting your partner and getting over your hang-ups. Yet once you have the elements in place, you can look forward to a more fulfilling sex life.
From letting it happen, to desire and foreplay, psychologist Arlene Goldman, Ph.D., shows us the 10 keys to sexual bliss.
Let it Happen
You can’t force sex to happen, great sex must be allowed to happen. The act of pursuing orgasm breeds performance anxiety, which then undermines sexual arousal."
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cognitive therapy for depression: "
Cognitive Therapy for Depression
Psychological treatment of depression (psychotherapy) can assist the depressed individual in several ways. First, supportive counseling helps ease the pain of depression, and addresses the feelings of hopelessness that accompany depression. Second, cognitive therapy changes the pessimistic ideas, unrealistic expectations, and overly critical self-evaluations that create depression and sustain it. Cognitive therapy helps the depressed person recognize which life problems are critical, and which are minor. It also helps him/her to develop positive life goals, and a more positive self-assessment. Third, problem solving therapy changes the areas of the person's life that are creating significant stress, and contributing to the depression. This may require behavioral therapy to develop better coping skills, or Interpersonal therapy, to assist in solving relationship problems.
At first glance, this may seem like several different therapies being used to treat depression. However, all of these interventions are used as part of a cognitive treatment approach. Some psychologists use the phrase, cognitive-behavioral therapy and others simply call this approach, cognitive therapy. In practice, both cognitive and behavioral techniques are used together. "
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INTERNATIONAL CONSENSUS: ADHD AND ABUSE IN THE PRESCRIPTION OF PSYCHOPHARMACEUTICAL DRUGS TO MINORS: "INTERNATIONAL CONSENSUS:
ADHD AND ABUSE IN THE PRESCRIPTION
OF PSYCHOPHARMACEUTICAL DRUGS TO MINORS
(January 2005)
Introduction
“Giù le mani dai bambini' ® is the most visible campaign for the defence of children's right to health ever organised in Italy, and at present is the most rapidly growing campaign compared to similar initiatives in Europe. The aim of the campaign is to ensure complete and correct public awareness (teachers, parents, adolescents themselves, etc.) on the subject of abuses in the administration of psychopharmaceutical drugs to children and teenagers. With over 11 million children chronically dependent on amphetamines in the United States alone, this situation has now become a genuine medical emergency that is also affecting Italy (for more information consult our website www.giulemanidaibambini.or g ).
This initiative, promoted by the network of hospital volunteers that has formed a Committee of Associations and Bodies representing over 6 million Italian citizens, is organised with the patronage of RAI – Radio Televisione Italiana. Celebrities from the world of entertainment and science, ranging from Ray Charles (who died recently) to Beppe Grillo and many others, have added their support to the campaign, as can be seen from the Testimonial section on the"
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ADHD: The Myth: "The Myth of ADHD
Does the ADHD disorder really exist? We can doubt it for at least three reasons:
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There is no independent psycho-diagnostic instrument that can prove its existence; drug-oriented questionnaires are not acceptable since they presuppose that psychiatric drugs are the true test for measuring the presence of this pathology. Dr. Lawrence H. Diller wrote: “Practically every researcher in ADHD now accepts drug company money as do the self help groups for at least a part of their work and projects.”"
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Ritalin Dangers: "Ritalin effects questioned
'US panel calls for research into effects of Ritalin'. This is the title of an article appearing in the December 5th 1998 issue of the British Medical Journal. The article goes on to say that the National Institutes for Health consensus panel called for 'urgent clarification of the diagnosis of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, (ADHD) and research into the long term effects of treatment with Ritalin.' This article typifies a growing trend of scientific and commentary articles revealing the dangers of using Ritalin.
Prescriptions for Ritalin have increased six-fold over the past ten years, raising the question of over-diagnosis and treatment. Peter R. Breggin, M.D., a psychiatrist and editor-in-Chief of a professional journal entitled Ethical Human Sciences and Services, lists several disturbing facts about Ritalin and its dangerous effects.
1. Decreased blood flow to the brain, an effect recently shown to be caused by cocaine where it is associated with impaired thinking ability and memory loss.
2. Disruption of growth hormone, leading to suppression of growth in the body and brain of the child
3. Permanent neurological tics, including Tourette’s Syndrome
4. Addiction and abuse, including withdrawal reactions on a daily basis
5. Psychosis (mania), depression, insomnia, agitation, and social withdrawal
6. Possible shrink"
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