Alone and Afraid

Alone and afraid
Question:


It started at 13 when I arrived at the park that I hung out at every year. A boy that I had been attracted to for years wanted to spend time with me by talking under one of the trees next to the picnic area. He asked different things about my life including questions about sex. When he asked me if I had ever had sex I told him yes because I did not what to seem inexperienced and childish. About 4 hours later, after hanging out with about 10 of our other friends, in the first 'park reunion' of the year, he asked if anyone wanted to go see the infamous house in the woods. I said that I would like to go (I had never seen it) but everyone else wanted to hang out at the park. I had known this boy for about 8 years (he was a friend of the family) and thought it might be a good chance for us to maybe start dating. When he kept leading me farther and farther into the woods I told him I was tired and asked how much farther it was going to be. He told me we could sit down and rest if I wanted to. We found a small clearing and began to sit down. He pulled out a knife and told me to take off my pants. He kept telling me that he would not rape me if I did so. I was so scared that this made sense to me. I did as he said. He knocked my legs out from under me and held the knife to my ear as he stabbed at me with his penis. In fact, he ripped me a new hole (to this day I still have my virginity loop that is on one side as a horrific reminder, especially when asked about by other partners).

As I mentioned this boy was a friend of the family and I knew exposing what had happened would only cause grief for me and my family (the police in the area were not know for their helpfulness). I did not tell anyone except for my best friend about what had happened. She helped me not to dwell on it by trying to distract me with other things and by confirming that she did not think my life would improve any with exposing him. I almost gave in anyway when I found out that my mother had invited him to dinner a few days later. She wanted to surprise me (since she knew I liked him) and did not tell me. I opened the door that evening to find him on the front porch as my mother yelled surprise. We ate an uneventful dinner together until he asked my mother if he could take me out for the evening. I immediately began kicking her under the table, but she said yes before I could stop her. After dinner I convinced her to tell him that I could not go because I was grounded (which was difficult to do without telling her why I had this sudden change of heart- but I called in a favor and told her I would explain later).

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posted by Robert Heard at 9:41 PM