Does Couples Counseling Work?

Couples counseling can indeed work very well to rescue a faltering relationship. It can also improve relationships that aren't particularly troubled. Of course, there are no guarantees in life, so whether it is successful for any specific couple will depend on a number of factors.

There are several things that it helps to know when beginning couples counseling. One is that if you're expecting the counselor to agree with you about all your mate's shortcomings, you're going to be disappointed. A good counselor will help a couple recognize the real problem areas and find ways to deal with their issues appropriately, often in ways that can actually strengthen the relationship. But it's not about who's right and who's wrong or taking sides in any way. It's about the relationship and making it as good as possible for both partners.

Another good thing to know is that often whether couples counseling is successful or not depends on whether both people are willing to see it through and work at it. Even the best counselors can't fix the relationship for you; all they can do is help you recognize the issues and learn to work them out in constructive and positive ways. A partner who is dragged unwilling to counseling will just about ensure a lack of success. Both sides really need to be open to counseling and willing to give it an honest try. In fact, it's best if the couple picks out the counselor together.

One final thing it's good to know: going to counseling doesn't mean someone's a bad person or a failure of any kind. Despite what most people seem to think, successful and long-lasting relationships don't "just happen." They take certain skills and understandings, and in this day and age many of us haven't had the chance to learn how on our own. Going to couples counseling isn't an admission of defeat, it's a demonstration of one's desire to have a satisfying relationship.

posted by Robert Heard at 9:59 AM