Surviving Divorce

by Pamela D. Blair, Ph.D., provided by Divorce Magazine


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In the initial stages of divorce, it's hard to be patient while the world is going about its everyday business as if nothing has happened. Don't they know you're aching inside? How dare they show those romantic movies on HBO! Can't those people hold hands and nuzzle each other somewhere else?

The adjustment period after divorce trauma (whether you are the "leaver" or the "leavee") is between two and five years, depending somewhat on the amount of pre-grieving you've experienced. Some people begin the emotional journey when they realize the marriage is dead -- sometimes well before they mention the word "divorce" to their spouse.

If you're in the early stages, you're probably wondering what to expect -- and how to accelerate (or even bypass) the painful stages to reach the place where you feel whole and happy again. Unfortunately, recovery from divorce is not an express elevator from the basement of grief to the penthouse of joy. It's more like a maze: you go forward a bit, become confused, find the way forward again, hit a wall, retrace your steps, find a new way forward, realize you took the wrong turn and back-track again. Like wandering through a hall of mirrors, you confront yourself -- or what looks like yourself -- around every corner.

For tips on how to get off the emotional roller coaster you've been riding since the divorce, click here:

posted by Robert Heard at 10:17 AM