Ten Indicators of a Healthy Marriage

Ten Indicators of a Healthy Marriage

Writer:

Martha Filipic
filipic.3@osu.edu
(614)292-9833

Source:

Ted Futris
futris.1@osu.edu
(614)688-4169


Editor: Marriage Week USA is Feb. 7-14, 2003.

COLUMBUS, Ohio -- A strong, healthy marriage isn't a matter of luck or romance, says Ted Futris, family life specialist for Ohio State University Extension. It takes work and compatibility.

"Some factors that contribute to a healthy relationship are static -- they're things you can't really change," Futris said. "Others are things that are dynamic -- things that you can work on to improve your relationship." Either way, they're important to know for anyone who is married or is thinking of marriage, he said.

Marriage Week USA is Feb. 7-14, and Futris hopes couples will take some time during that week to improve their relationship. Futris, a founding member of the Columbus Marriage Coalition, shares 10 indicators of a good relationship:

Fostering good communication. Happy couples talk to each other, and they listen to each other. The best communicators recognize when outside distractions or emotional states are at work to prevent good communication, and find ways to work through them when both partners are ready.
Resolving conflict in a positive way. According to the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, habitual avoidance of conflict is the No. 1 predictor of divorce. Strong relationships are earmarked by a couple's ability to handle disagreements in a positive manner.
Having realistic expectations. When people first meet, they put their best foot forward and try to mask their flaws. This is normal, but couples should realize that as time goes on, the "real" person will emerge. Relationships develop over time, but unrealistic expectations of a partner, or of a relationship, can cause undue stress.
Paying attention to details of your partner's life. People in strong marriages know their partner well. They know major events in their partner's past, and they know each other's likes, dislikes, hopes and worries. And, they keep updating this information as their partner's world changes.
Experiencing more positive interactions than negative ones. Some research indicates that successful marriages have five times as many positive interactions as negative ones. Giving positive responses to a partner's bid for attention -- whether it's a question, an extended hand, or just a glance -- strengthens the relationship.
Building trust. Trust develops slowly, but it is fostered by communicating honestly and following through on promises.
Spending time together. Sharing experiences is a good way to build a relationship. Couples who enjoy doing things together -- rather than feeling obligated or forced into doing things together -- have a stronger, healthier relationship.
Shared values. Couples who start out with a wide array of shared values -- who agree on what's important in life -- have a better chance at building a solid relationship.
Shared responsibilities. Both partners have the obligation of nurturing the relationship, keeping the household running smoothly and working toward common goals. Allowing only half of the couple to bear the brunt of these responsibilities can cause resentment to build.
Adapting to change. People and relationships change over time. That's to be expected, not feared. Even people's expectations of a relationship can change. Partners need to be able to talk about these changes and find ways to adapt to them.
These are just some indicators of healthy relationships, Futris said. To learn more, a free on-line newsletter, "Marriage Matters," is available through Ohio State University Extension at http://hec.osu.edu/famlife/marriagematters/. Additional information is available through the Web site of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education, http://www.smartmarriages.com.

Labels: healthy marriage

posted by Robert Heard at 11:01 AM