I'm a 22 year old female and I've been sexually abused 4 times in my life

I'm a 22 year old female and I've been sexually abused 4 times in my life. The first time I was sexually abused was when I was 6 He was a friend of mine I think he was about 11 or maybe younger I don't really remember I blocked it out until I was like 8 I kept on having dreams about it and I went to my councelor at camp one day and she told my parents then the police or whatever I don't really remember it but I know that my parents didn't believe me they said I did it for "attention" something they've said all my life. The second time I was 12 years old and I was raped by a friend of mine who is actually a gay guy he was like 16 at the time. He and I were really good friends and one day I was riding my bike with my other friend and he said "hey Autumn wanna watch a movie?" and I told my other friend that I would be back. And she said alright and so then He lead me in the house to his room locked his door and made me watch porn. And then he had his fun with me. I remember feeling so dirty and when I got home I took a shower and pretended like nothing happened (I'm really good at pretending everything is fine when it's really not) And later on I told my mom that I had sex for the first time because I knew they wouldn't believe me. Then when I was 15 years old my best friends Uncle raped me he kidnapped me in his car took me to mc donalds of all places and then he asked me what I wanted and I was in shock and there was a knife next to him and I was scared of him and so I just said "whatever" and he ordered something and then he took me to his house and he took me to his room and he immediately took my shirt off and my bra off and my pants and panties off and I was trying to fight him but he was way too strong for me but I kept on fighting and he ended up cutting me with the knife because I wasn't being a "good little girl" for him. I ended up getting dropped off around the block from my house and I pretended that my friends house was my house and he left. And then I ran to my house and took a shower cuz I felt so disgusting and I was bleeding so I burned my shirt and put on my pj's and did the dishes and waited for my parents to come home then I pretended as if nothing happened. And the last time I was sexually abused was when I was 18 years old I was with my friend and she said she knew these guys that were driving into my complex and so I was like oh and she wanted to smoke speed with them and I was like whatever because I just wanted to forget about my being a good girl all the time so I tried it too. And they ended up taking us to their house and well she had sex with this guy and I was just sitting in the room looking at a magazine and then this other guy wanted to "talk" to me and he ended up throwing me on his bed I hit the headboard and he started ripping my clothes off and he had sex with me and I didn't wake up for a long time but when I did I freaked out and was very scared of him and he seen that I had woken up and he threw me on the floor and I crawled to the bathroom and he followed me in the bathroom and I don't remember what happened after that all I remember is my "friend" and I tried to get out of the house and he locked us in the house well we jumped the fence and walked miles and miles she slept while I just layed on the ground at some apartments and then I remember us walking into albertsons and staying in the bathroom for hours because it was sometime in december and it was really cold. And this whole time I couldn't feel my legs and I was still so freakin' high. And I remember talking spanish the whole time cept when I called my friend to pick us up. It was like 6 in the morning but she picked us up anyway and then she dropped me off at my parents house and I went to sleep. That's all I remember. I've been verbally abused and physically abused and emotionally and mentally all by my dad now but I still love him and I know that it's not his fault he's just tough on me.
by Butterfly on 3 Apr 2004

Labels: I'm a 22 year old female and I've been sexually abused 4 times in my life

posted by Robert Heard at 5:57 AM