When I started reading these I wasn't going to share anything

When I started reading these I wasn't going to share anything

When I started reading these I wasn't going to share anything, because what happened to me seems so mild in comparison, but I feel like I want to anyway.

When I was 4 years old some family friends were over. My mom and another mom left, and my dad and his friend were in another room playing on the computer. My brother, who was 7 or 8, was playing with me and this other boy, "Ron", who was about 13. My brother left the room to go play with my dad and his friend on the computer, I think, leaving me alone with Ron. Everything is very hazy, seeing as this was 13 years ago (I'm 17 now), but I remember him making me pull my underwear down. Then he started to touch me, but I pulled away and told him that it tickled. So he said, "Then I'll do it softer" and I remember thinking that that would just make it tickle more. My brother kept coming in and out of the room, and I think a couple times he caught me pulling up my underwear and so knew something wrong was happening. My father never came and checked on us. If my mom was there she would have and this might have never happened. I have a lot of resentment toward my dad because of that.

My brother and I, according to my mom, were talking about it the next morning, and my mom overheard us and made us tell her what happened. Being so young, I don't remember all that happened, but my mom says that he did say he was sorry. It turned out that he had been abusing his sister, who was mute and otherwise mentally challenged, for a long time. After what happened to me, it came out about him abusing her and the abuse stopped. So, while it wasn't good that I was molested, at least it stopped the abuse of his sister. I can only imagine her pain.

A year or so later, when I was probably 5, my best friend (who was also 5) was spending the night. We were in my bed and she had me pull my underwear down. Then she started to kiss my private parts, but it was really weird and I had her stop. I moved away and have lost contact with her, but I still wonder what on earth would make a 5 year old little girl want to do that to another little girl?

I am so thankful that I've never been raped, and that the abuse was not continual. But I still know and understand those feelings that come with sexual abuse...the confusion, anger, hurt, sadness, depression...and the what if's and why’s. What if my mom had stayed? Why didn't my dad come check on me? I can only try to deal with it and move on. If you are reading this, I'm glad, because you have taken a big step in looking for help. DON'T ignore it. Seek therapy and help. It feels so much better to tell someone. And if this is happening to you now, TELL SOMEONE! I know how hard that is, but this is happening too much, especially to children. It is an epidemic. By telling someone, you may be preventing the abuse of another victim. The point is SPEAK UP. Don't be silent any longer. You deserve to have justice served.
by Rachelle on 2 May 2005

Labels: When I started reading these I wasn't going to share anything

posted by Robert Heard at 2:08 PM