I've been depressed since I was 12

I've been depressed since I was 12. I've been put on medication for it but the pills never really worked. I always felt like I was alone and inferior. I caught myself looking at older men, not necessarily in a sexual way, but as father figures, someone to confide in and to comfort me when times got rough. About a week ago I met a man who filled that "void" in me, who made me feel like I was worth something.

He is 25 and I am only 15, but he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he moved so fast it made my head spin. Being a virgin, I knew I wasn't ready for sex, but when he took me to his house and layed me on the couch, it was the hardest thing to say "No!". He was sweet about it, suprisingly enough. I did say no and I struggled to get out from under him, but he held me there and kept telling me how beautiful I was and how much he wanted me. He attempted to take off my clothes but when I fought him, he stopped. Instead, he took his off and proceeded rape me.

The next thing I knew, I was crying in the bathroom with blood all over my clothes. But no one found out. I kept it hush hush with the exception of his wife (very soon to be ex-wife). They hadn't been with each other for about a year and both had found other romantic partners. Still, she wanted to talk to me, to warn me about him...but it was too late. I came to find out that he has 5 warrants out for his arrest and had a very sexual past being a male pornography star, male stripper, and male prostitute. Along with this, he has three little girls at home.

I just want to let everyone who reads this to know that no matter how charming or sweet he is, he will hurt you. I've never been in a relationship with a man who didn't..whether it was physical, mental, or sexual. Trust no one. Someone's always looking to use you.
by Laurenon 11 Apr 2004

Labels: I've been depressed since I was 12

posted by Robert Heard at 8:11 AM