When I was very young I recall my father’s friend sexually molesting me

When I was very young I recall my father’s friend sexually molesting me. I must have been maybe 3 and the image is burned in my mind. I tried to tell my mom my memories my whole childhood, and remember how she ignored it, ignored me. My parents were so unhealthy already. I had a brother and a sister who I became a "mother" to because my mother was too abused to love us unconditionally. There where always conditions, even in her most loving moments. At 9/10 I was sexually molested again by one of my father’s friends, I believe he knew it was happening. This "relationship" went on for years. Every time this man came over he would end up in my bedroom at some point to touch me in my sleep. I always woke up to him there, touching me and never caring. This man was very good friends with molester #1 and I believe they talked about it. My first molester was such a good friend of my dads, I had to call him uncle, and he would give me money and actually built a relationship with me. At 11/12 another of my dad's friends molested me again. By now I knew to go ridged and be somewhere else. I really had difficulties coping when my first molester moved in, after I was molested so much! He was younger than my father, only 10yrs older that me. I escaped this by creating distance and I believe this actually broke his view of our relationship or he had compassion for me because of my father and all the abuse I endured just from him, let alone, him and his friend. When he moved out, molester #3 moved in, I truly believe this was planned. My father is very abusive and a psycho. Sexual molestation is actually one of the easiest part of my childhood, which breaks my very soul knowing I am so broken. I read compulsively to try and understand but I feel like all the puzzle pieces aren't there. I am dealing with my love issues. I have an excellent husband and have a functional mind now but I can't love him..... I know what love is, what my rights are, what his rights are, etc. but I can't emotionally attach myself to him, as hard as I try.
I don't understand and wonder if it is from my teen years (which are a whole different story about no self worth). Do we ever become emotionally functional people again?
by Jupider on 17 Mar 2005

Labels: When I was very young I recall my father’s friend sexually molesting me

posted by Robert Heard at 5:53 AM