prevent divorce

Fourteen Principles to Prevent Divorce

1. Choose partners from all four perspectives: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual.
2. Attend to and support the WE part of the relationship.
3. Avoid sloppy agreements.
4. Deal with all conflicts until you come to mutual satisfaction.
5. Own unacceptable parts in you and your spouse: imperfections, inadequacies, etc.
6. Accept all limitations that you or your spouse have.
7. Allow yourself to be scared, disappointed, and powerless.
8. Express anger only as a five-minute event.
9. Place primary focus on the sameness in the relationship rather than the differences.
10. Listen without defending.
11. Avoid using differences to inflate or deflate yourself or the other in order to prove or defend anything.
12. See other as a reflection of you.
13. Close the back door of the relationship, so leaving is not a threat.
14. Do not end your relationship unless you can say and hold the thought for one week, "I love you and no longer want to be married to you" without any debating, blaming, hostility, or sexualizing.

posted by Robert Heard at 8:13 PM