What is a Healthy Relationship
What is a healthy relationship?
In healthy relationships, you and your friend or the person you are dating feel good about each other and yourselves. You do activities together, like going to movies or out with other friends, and you talk to one another honestly about how you feel. These relationships can last a few weeks, a few months, or even years.
In healthy relationships, there is respect and honesty between both people. This means that you listen to each other's thoughts and opinions and accept each other's right to say no or to change your mind without giving each other a hard time. You should be able to let the other person know how you are feeling. You might disagree or argue sometimes, but in healthy relationships you should be able to talk things out to reach a solution.
"Are you in a healthy relationship?
Ain't love grand? Well, it is when it works - research suggests that the happiest people in the world are those in a good marriage. The flipside, of course, is that an unhealthy relationship can be the biggest downer of all time. So how's your love life? Do our quiz to discover how you and your partner are making out - and how you can make things better.
1. When I discuss problems with my partner he:
Sympathises with me over everything
Tells me what he’d do to solve it
Listens to what I have to say and then helps me to come up with my own solutions
Swings between wanting to kill anyone who’s upset me and telling me to sort things out for myself.
2. When it comes to sex:
We have a set routine and try to make sure we do it at least twice a week
What sex life? We’re both way too tired for anything more than a quick hug
We stopped worrying about the 'national average' and whether we're doing it enough long ago. We have a loving relationship that works for us
Some weeks it's every night, but then we might go for a month with nothing
3. When we argue:
We tend to talk at the same time, and just increase the volume
We don’t argue. We simply av"
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From a Mother
From a mother
My daughter, who is now 12, took the KidPower workshop three years ago. "Recently, we moved to a smaller town to get away from the violence in the city. My daughter was very excited about going to her first formal dress-up dance at her new school. It must have been poorly supervised because a group of about 15 9th grade boys started playing a game where they captured girls by linking arms in a circle around them.
The first time my daughter and her 7th grade friends were surrounded, they just moved away. They felt awkward about this "game", but this was their first time at a school dance and they didn’t know what to think. My daughter saw that three other girls who got captured later were disheveled and crying. She saw the boys pawing at the girls and making sexual remarks.
Then she and her friends were surrounded again. This time, one boy grabbed our daughter from behind and tried to put his hand up her shirt. She stomped on his foot and elbowed him in the groin.
This action broke the circle and my daughter and her friends were able to escape. It also stopped the behavior of the boys and they left all the girls alone for the rest of the dance. The story went through the school that my gentle 7th grade daughter had beaten up a 9th grade boy! She was a hero! A number of girls have come up to her to tell her how glad they were that she did what she did and to ask her for advice on what they might do.
My husband and I have written a letter to the school describing the incident and demanding that preventative action be taken through better supervision of school events and training for both the boys and the girls. We believe that our daughter’s KIDPOWER training, even after three years, helped her handle an awful experience in a way which left her feeling empowered instead of helpless."
Anxiety Symptoms, Causes, Types, Signs, and Treatment on MedicineNet.com: "Environmental factors: Trauma and stressful events, such as abuse, the death of a loved one, divorce, changing jobs or schools, may lead to GAD. GAD also may become worse during periods of stress. The use of and withdrawal from addictive substances, including alcohol, caffeine and nicotine, can also worsen anxiety."
Poetry: " My Father
(Written 8/96 - before I confronted him on the abuse)
Daddy,
how can you be so mean to me?
I don't know what I ever did to you,
for I only tried to please you.
No matter what I did,
or how hard I tried,
it was never enough,
but why did you have to be so rough?
I've spent endless hours,
blaming myself for all your,
endless hate for me,
I now know it is you and not me.
As years go on,
will you still despise me?
I have always tried,
and so many tears I have cried.
Can you ever be happy with me,
and the life I live?
Or will this just go on.
I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted me to be.
~Angelic Skye~"
Broken Spirits
The Broken Spirits Network
E-mail: info@brokenspirits.com
Broken Spirits Network is an online community and support group that focuses on aiding both current and past victims of child abuse, sexual abuse, and domestic violence. The Broken Spirits Network provides a comprehensive state by state list of shelters, hotlines and organizations that can provide help for potential victims. In addition to the national abuse resource listing is a comprehensive discussion forum where users can create their own virtual identity within complete confidentiality. This allows people to discuss the happenings of their life without letting others know who they really are. Another point of interest is the information section of the site where you can find a reference of common symptoms of abuse and also find methods to prevent becoming a victim.E-mail: info@brokenspirits.com
Where do I go From Here?
Where do I go from here?
When a monster has arisen, and a demon attack's your soul. When a molester owns your body, and the devil wants to know. Believing in your heart that there is nowhere else to go. And repeating in your head, he owns your body, mind and soul.
The spirit of this child, has cried out in the night. For someone to please hold her, and to help her with her fight. One that selfishness has created, and no child should endure. For that monster has done things to her, before she's even four.
When this child is remembering, the acts that were revealed. Will someone hold her tight, until her heart begins to heal? But when the guilt of her own past, is squeezing her so tight. Will someone please come hold her hand, and help her through the night?
Please someone tell me, where am I supposed to go. When these things have happened to me, and when no one is to know. When there's dirty little secrets, that this child has not spoken. Yet the spirit will release her, once the silence has been broken.
So you see I have a problem, many more then one or two. When my grandfather is molesting me, and no will never do. Am I strong enough to face him, with the devil at his side? For I know that I will triumph, when the angels are my guide.
By Felicia
rape trauma syndrome
Immediate reactions after a rape may vary. Some rape survivors remain controlled, numb, in shock, denial disbelief. They present a flat affect, quiet, reserved, and have difficulties expressing themselves. Other rape survivors respond quite differently - being very expressive and verbalizing feelings of sadness or anger. They may appear distraught or anxious and may even express rage or hostility against the medical staff attempting to care for them.
Various factors may aid or inhibit the survivors ability to resolve the issues associated by the rape. Positive feelings of self-esteem, good support systems, previous success in dealing with crisis and economic security all enhance her ability to heal. Survivors who can minimize, (deal with one small segment of the problem at a time ) often find success. Certainly survivors moved to action gain confidence as they implement decisions. But survivors who suffer with chronic stress, lack of support systems and prior victimization struggle less successfully to resolve their issues. Negative self-esteem often hinders their progress and paralyze their efforts. These victims often use maladaptive methods to deal with their stress. These factors hamper their ability to resolve the issues of the rape and move beyond it.
Rape victims can suffer a significant degree of physical and emotional trauma during the rape, immediately following the rape and over a considerable time period after the rape. A study of rape victims has identified a three-stage process, or syndrome, that occurs as a result of forcible rape or attempted forcible rape. This syndrome is an acute stress reaction to a life-threatening situation that can last from two years to a lifetime. It is also often known as rape trauma syndrome or rape related post traumatic stress disorder, rrpstd.
The acute phase begins immediately and lasts up to several days after the attack. The survivor feels violated and fearful and may be depressed—even suicidal. The victim struggles with feelings of loss of control and may note changes in appetite, sleep habits or social functions. Survivors may note change in their sexual patterns at this time.
1.
The Acute Stage: This stage occurs immediately after the assault. It may last a few days to several weeks. During this stage the victim may:
1. seem agitated or hysterical or s/he may appear totally calm (a slogan that s/he could be in shock).
2. have crying spells and anxiety attacks.
3. have difficulty concentrating, making decisions, and dolling simple, everyday tasks.
4. show little emotion, act as though numb or stunned.
5. have poor recall of the rape or other memories.
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St John's Wort - any good?: "Hi
I've been taking St John's Wort now for a couple of months and am not sure whether it has helped me or not. I do seem to have fewer long bouts of depression, instead I seem to experience sudden severe but short-lived attacks. I'm not sure whether this has anything to do with the St John's Wort though.
Has anyone had any good experiences or bad experiences with it? Can it really help depression? "
Lia
Are We a Depressed Civilization?
Author unknown
I just read a blog written by delectable pet regarding depression. Her writing is amazing and you could feel what she was feeling. It gave me a lot to think about. This is the most personal blog I have written and I gave it a lot of thought before I decided to do it. I hope it helps someone.
Although I did not realize it, I have been struggling with depression for many years. I did not realize that the sadness, lack of energy or interest in things, insomnia and physical pain were symptoms. In the beginning, this was a subject people did not talk about. There was little understanding.....you were either nuts or you were just sad. Medications were addictive and just made you high. Pursuing therapy was done (if it was done at all) secretly because anyone who saw a therepist was "crazy". No matter what your situation was, you did not talk about it....you hid it. Kept it hidden in the attic, so to speak.
I experienced this firsthand as a child when I first realized that my family was not like the families of my friends. My father was an alcoholic.....not a happy drunk but an angry one. My mother dealt with it by not dealing with it. Looking back, she was probably suffering from what we now know as battered woman syndrome. We did not talk about it within the family or with friends. I think she believed if we didn't tell people, noone would know. But when the car was parked in the yard on Saturday morning instead of the driveway, I think the neighbors probably figured it out. I dealt with it the best I could by either staying in my bedroom or at friend's homes. Verbal abuse was an almost daily experience and when he was especially angry, the belt would come off. He rarely hit my mother; my brother and I were who he took his anger out on. His abuse of her was mainly verbal and emotional. On the occasions that my mother geared up enough courage to try to stop him he would threaten her with kicking us out and not helping to support us. This was before the women's lib movement, she had never worked. Even if she had, women did not earn living wages then. She was trapped.
My solution was to marry too young just to get away. Oh yes, I convinced myself I was in love. I had children I was not ready to have. I had known nothing but anger and criticizm....how did I expect to be a good wife and parent. To make a long story short, I went through 2 marriages, both with children, before I realized I was doing something wrong.
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Overcoming Depression and Finding Happiness
By Chuck T. Falcon,
Mental Health Professional
Counseling Psychologist
Sensible Psychology Press
Chuck Falcon, Counseling Psychologist and Author of "Family Desk Reference to Psychology", has been working with psychiatric patients for the last 22 years and incest abusers for the last 5 years. He has been an Adjunct Faculty member of Delgado Community College in New Orleans for the last 2 years, teaching courses in Communications Disorders.
Remember sadness is always temporary. This, too, shall pass.
Can't, If, When, and But never did anything.
Trials give you strength, sorrows give understanding and wisdom.
Depression involves sadness, pessimism, a preoccupation with personal problems, and perhaps feeling sorry for one's self, anguish, crying, and hopelessness. Depressed people often lose interest in many activities and social contacts because of loss of pleasure in and enthusiasm for their usual activities. They may become apathetic or socially withdrawn. Low energy, chronic tiredness, excessive sleeping, and insomnia are common. Other possible symptoms include poor appetite, heavy eating, weight loss or gain, feelings of inadequacy or worthlessness, anxiety, regrets, decreased productivity, poor concentration, or recurrent thoughts of death or suicide. Four out of five cases of severe depression clear up without treatment within six to nine months, but half of the people with severe depression experience it again later.
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Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (cont.)
In this Article
* What is the post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
* Why discuss PTSD now?
* What is the scope of PTSD?
* What are the symptoms of PTSD?
* How is the diagnosis made and what is the initial approach to PTSD?
* What are the tools to treat PTSD?
* What are the types of pychotherapy for PTSD?
* What are the medications for PTSD?
* What are the results of treatment and the follow-up of PTSD?
* What's in the future for PTSD?
* Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder at a Glance
* Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Glossary
* Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Center
What are the symptoms of PTSD?
In general, post-traumatic stress disorder can be seen as an overwhelming of the body's normal psychological defenses against stress. Thus, after the trauma, there is abnormal function (dysfunction) of the normal defense systems, which results in certain symptoms. The symptoms are produced in three different ways:
1. Re-experiencing the trauma
2. Persistent avoidance
3. Increased arousal
First, symptoms can be produced by re-experiencing the trauma, whereby the individual can have distressing recollections of the trauma. For example, the person may relive the experience as terrible dreams or nightmares or as daytime flashbacks of the event. Furthermore, external cues in the environment may remind the patient of the event. As a result, the psychological distress of the exposure to trauma is reactivated (brought back) by internal thoughts, memories, and even fantasies. Persons also can experience physical reactions to stress, such as sweating and rapid heart rate. (These reactions are similar to the "fight or flight" responses to emergencies described by Dr. Walter Cannon.) The patient's posttraumatic symptoms can be identical to those symptoms experienced when the actual trauma was occurring.
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Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse - Overview Paper
What is Child Sexual Abuse?
Although there are many descriptions of childhood sexual abuse, for the purpose of this document it is considered to be the use of a child for any form of sexual activity or behaviour by an adult or adolescent. It is a betrayal of trust by someone
who has power over the child.1
Who is an Adult Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse?
Any adult who was sexually abused as a child is a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. The majority of statistics in this document refer to the abuse of children under the age of 17. Sexual abuse occurs in all communities, ethnic backgrounds,
religions, cultures, and social and economic classes, and is experienced by both males and females.2,3
Vocabulary
The words “victim” and “survivor” are used throughout this document, but their limitations are acknowledged in that these terms may discount the aspects of a person’s life that are healthy and productive. The term “thriver” is now sometimes used to describe people who are not only surviving but flourishing. It better reflects the idea that sexual abuse is something that happens to people and should not be considered the core of their identity. In this document, the terms “victim” and “survivor”, which are commonly used in the abuse-related literature, designate a person who has experienced sexual abuse in his or her childhood.
Who is Sexually Abused?
The Ontario Health Survey Supplement*, carried out between 1990 and 1991, reported that 4.3% of males and 12.8% of females reported any unwanted sexual acts before their 17th birthday, and 3.9% of males and 11.1% of females in this sample reported severe sexual abuse.4 Previously, the Badgley Report* used broader definitions of child sexual abuse and reported higher prevalence rates. In that study, 31% of boys and 54% of girls under the age of 21 reported sexual abuse, and 8.2% of boys and 17.6% of girls reported severe sexual abuse.5
The Canadian Incidence Study of Reported Child Abuse and Neglect (CIS) studied investigations by child welfare service providers in 1998. As its title suggests, this study deals only with child abuse and neglect reported to child welfare authorities. Some reports of sexual abuse are investigated by police without any involvement of child welfare service providers, and these statistics are not reflected in the study. Among substantiated cases of sexual abuse against children under the age of 16 reported in the CIS, 69% of the victims were girls and 31% were boys.6
Some evidence suggests that girls and boys are at similar risk of being sexually abused before puberty.7 However,
adolescent (and adult) females are at greater risk of sexual abuse than adolescent (and adult) males. Therefore, there may be more female than male adult survivors of child sexual abuse.
Who are the Abusers?
The report of the CIS states that, among substantiated sexual abuse cases, non-parental relatives represented the largest group of alleged perpetrators (44%), followed by biological fathers (8%), stepfathers (8%), other acquaintances (8%) and babysitters (7%). A child’s friends (peers) and family friends were each identified as the alleged perpetrator in 5% of substantiated cases. Teachers were identified in 4% of cases, and other professionals, strangers and a parent’s boyfriend/girl-friend were each identified in 2% of cases. In 5% of substantiated sexual abuse cases, mothers were identified as the alleged perpetrator (3% biological mothers and 2% step-mothers).8 It is possible that cases of abuse within the family are under-reported because of the risk of breaking up the family and are, therefore, under-represented in this study. Furthermore, the CIS statistics do not reflect those cases –which may be more severe – that are reported only to police.
* In the Ontario Health Survey Supplement, respondents were asked to indicate whether an adult had committed any of the following acts while they were growing up: “exposed themselves to you more than once; threatened to have sex with you; touched the sex parts of your body; tried to have sex with you or sexually attacked you.” The last three items were identified as severe sexual abuse. In the Badgley Report, respondents were asked whether any unwanted sexual acts had ever been committed against them; two items (unwanted touching of sexual areas and attempted or achieved intercourse) approximated severe abuse.
2
Connecting Child Sexual Abuse to Adulthood
The ripple effects of abuse can be difficult to pinpoint, even though abuse may affect every area of someone’s life. These effects are not necessarily permanent, but they can feel overwhelming. Recognizing the connection between present effects and past sexual abuse is not easy. Drawing this connection can be helpful for the healing process but is not always necessary.9
Why Do Many Survivors Delay Talking About Child Sexual Abuse?
In Canada, it is estimated that the vast majority of male and female sexual abuse victims do not report sexual abuse.10 Some survivors delay disclosure because they fear they will be threatened by their abuser, are worried they will not be believed or that they will be blamed and possibly punished, feel guilty and ashamed, or want to protect their families and sometimes the perpetrator.11 Other concerns include a feeling of responsibility for the abuse, a sense of confusion and betrayal because they were physically aroused by the abuse, difficulty in finding the right time to talk about the past, and an inability to recognize child sexual abuse as abusive, perhaps because they were led to believe that it was normal.12 Survivors should be encouraged not to confuse the abnormality of the abuse with their own identity: the abuse was abnormal, but they are perfectly normal.
Caregivers must make themselves more aware of symptoms exhibited by both male and female survivors. This knowledge will help families, doctors, teachers and protective service workers to identify and report alleged sexual abuse to the proper authorities.
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wedaholic.com
52 Successful Marriage Tips For A Happy Married Life
Date: July 17, 2006
The wedding is over, the presents have been put away and thank you notes written – now what? Once the excitement of the festivities and the romantic honeymoon is over, the real work of marriage begins. And yes, it can sometimes be work no matter how much you love each other!
I've gathered some tips to help you keep things on track as you step into the “real world” of married life. Some are serious, some light-hearted, but all can help you remember exactly why you got married in the first place and what it is you love so much about your mate.
1. Money is one of the most frequent causes of marital friction. If you haven’t talked about it before the wedding, talk about it now. The sooner you establish a spending plan and agree on it, the more arguments you’ll avoid down the line.
2. Don’t assume all things have to be 50/50%. If you prefer balancing the checkbook and paying bills, but your spouse hates this and would rather be in charge of cleaning and scheduling appointments, that’s fine! It’s what works for you that is important.
3. Always be willing to say, “I’m sorry,” mean it. Whether it’s something small like not putting the cap on the toothpaste or something larger, the apology is more important than the incident and will be remembered far longer.
4. Never make life decisions unilaterally. Even if the new car will be used by you, your spouse’s input should be listened to and considered. Set a limit (say, $100 / £50 or $500 / £250) and agree that neither of you will spend over that amount without consulting the other.
5. Allow yourself a sense of wonder in the little things and share them. Do you see a beautiful sunset while doing the dishes? Point it out to your spouse and share that brief moment of beauty.
6. Make conscious sacrifices. Let your “better half” choose the movie, the television show or the restaurant rather than always wanting to do it. Enjoy his or her pleasure.
Coping with Relationship Problems: Introduction
Relationships - whether family or intimate relationships with a partner - can be a great source of love, pleasure, support and excitement. However they can also be a source of grief and anguish if they go wrong. The issue is made more relevant for students by the fact that most people in a university are in a period of personal change, which can make them feel less sure of what they want or how they can expect others to react.
Research into what makes relationships work successfully - whether family relationships, friendships or partnerships - tend to come up with the same few things:
Acceptance of difference
People in successful relationships do not try to force the others to be exactly like them; they work to accept difference even when this difference is profound.
Capacity for boundaries
People are aware that there is a point where they stop and the other person begins. Sadly, it is unrealistic to expect others to solve all our problems or meet all our need - even though we may hope for this at times.
Operating mainly in the present
Once relationships either focus on repeatedly picking over past events, or else are based only on the hope that things will be better tomorrow, they tend to go off the rails.
Respect for individual choice
It is accepted that each person has the right to decide their own direction in life: the relationship then adapts to follow this.
Skill in negotiating
Once each individual has decided what they want, the couple or family are able to work out a way to fulfil these different goals without anyone having to compromise totally.
Sharing positive feelings
In a couple this may be sexual intimacy; however it can also just be pleasantness and kindness, as it is in a family.
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Dealing with Abadonment Issues by Sue Anderson: "
Dealing with Abandonment Issues
by Sue Anderson
When a relationship ends, both partners experience turmoil and loss, but the one who is left feeling abandoned bears the brunt of the pain. Why does it hurt so much when someone leaves us?
Loving and wanting someone who does not love us back engenders a deep personal wound. Rejection hits a raw nerve whose root begins in childhood. It arouses our abandonment issues. Abandonment is primal fear, the first fear that each of us experience as an infant. It is the fear that we will be left, literally abandoned, with no one to care for us. Abandonment's wound is cumulative. It contains all of our losses, disconnections and disappointments from early on, the death of a parent, a teenage breakup, being out-shown by a sibling, these experiences make us more susceptible to heartbreak when we are abandoned as adults.
The abandonment wound, stored deep within the limbic brain, is easily triggered. You feel its raw nerve twinge when you fail to get recognition at work, a friend forgets to invite you to a party, or a date you thought was special did not call back. When being left is the trigger, core abandonment fears erupt. Stress hormones course through our bodies, compelling even the strongest among us to feel desperate and dependent. However self-sufficient we think we are, we suddenly"
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Dr. Grohol's Psych Central - How to Choose a Therapist: "How to Choose a Therapist
AND OTHER FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ANSWERED
ABOUT STARTING YOUR PSYCHOTHERAPY
John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
Originally written: June 17, 1995
Last updated: July 28, 2004
So often I've been asked, 'So how does one choose a good therapist?' After all, nobody wants to put their intensely personal emotional problems into the hands of an inexperienced, ineffective, or useless practitioner. The below guidelines will offer suggestions you may want to follow in choosing your next therapist. By the way, while I was at one time a therapist in practice, I have also been in my own therapy. This article was written with both experiences in mind.
What should I look for first in a therapist?
First and foremost, you must find a therapist you feel comfortable with. Therapy is not an easy process and your therapist is not there to be your friend. Having said that, however, you can certainly choose a therapist whom you feel respects your individuality, opinions, and self. You must be able to trust your therapist 100% and if you cannot and feel like you have to lie to your therapist or withhold important information, you are not going to get any real help. You must also feel, in some respect"
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Make Your Way Through the Stages of Marriage & RelationshipDawn J. Lipthrott, LCSW
Are You Going through a Stage? It's Normal!
By Dawn Lipthrott, LCSW
We've all heard jokes about marriage or exclusive committed relationship ruining a perfectly good relationship. And it might even feel like that in your own relationship or in that of someone you care about. Why does something that starts out feeling so good seem to go downhill once you take that step of commitment? One reason is that relationships go through predictable stages, although the intensity may vary from person to person and couple to couple.
You may notice that relationships with friends, a boss, a job, or an adopted child may follow a similar pattern; everything seems wonderful and then the "honeymoon" is over. Frustrations or hurt feelings begin to mount. In marriage or in a deeply committed love relationship, these stages take on new intensity. There is much more at stake when we make a commitment to spend our lives together to love and be loved.
So why does the love seem to go away? One of the culprits is that couples get stuck in one of the early stages and are no longer moving through them.
Take a look at the basic stages:
Stage I: Romantic Love: Convicted of LUI (Loving Under the Influence)
The Romantic Love stage often feels so good that you want it to last forever. In fact, you expect it to last forever! In a new job or a new love, everything seems perfect at first. When you see things that you don't like, you might deny or at least minimize them. You tend to go above and beyond what is required or expected. You feel energized, alive, and filled with new dreams. In romantic relationships, your heart is filled with love and you know that this person loves you. You both find many ways to show your love. When you're apart, you are thinking of one another. Everything feels right. Some people feel a sense of finally 'being home' or of being 'complete', feeling alive and connected.
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South Jersey native's true tale of abuse inspires powerful show
By Allegra Tiver
ativer@sjnewsco.com
Lisa Regina will never forget that afternoon in early April 2005 when a New York City ambulance delivered her to the emergency room at Beth Israel Hospital, where she was treated for injuries resulting from an attack by a violent man.
This was no random act, however, and the assailant was no stranger. The man was Regina's boyfriend, and that day she became a victim of domestic violence -- the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 across the United States.
Fear has long silenced many of these victims, mostly women but sometimes men, who suffer alone, feeling alienated and embarrassed by the trauma they've experienced. But Regina is giving the victims of domestic violence a voice -- a loud one.
Staff photo by Tim HawkSouth Jersey native Lisa Regina, right, claps with the Voices of Mount Pisgah choir, during a rehearsal for "A Write to Heal." Regina is the writer, director and performer in the play -- a collection of short stories, poems and music emerging from the true writings of domestic violence survivors.
The South Jersey native and graduate of New York University's theater department is blowing open the doors on the overwhelming health issue in her stage performance "A Write to Heal" -- scheduled for 7 p.m. Friday March 16 at Sterling High School.
"I was struggling with physical and emotional pain," said Regina, who couldn't move from bed following the assault and initially went to individual counseling three times a week. "As a writer and performer, it only made sense to use my writing as a way to articulate my pain."
Comprised of a collection of stories, poems and songs, the performance promises to educate the audience on issues surrounding domestic violence, describe why it's difficult for women to extricate themselves from their situations, raise awareness and offer resources.
"It's really enabled me to speak out, not just for myself, but for all women who really don't have a voice, who are living in fear in an abusive relationship or marriage."
Psychotherapy - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: "Psychotherapy
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Psychotherapy is a range of techniques based on dialogue, communication and behavior change and which are designed to improve the mental health of a client or patient, or to improve group relationships (such as in a family). Most forms of psychotherapy use only spoken conversation, though some also use various other forms of communication such as the written word, artwork or touch. Commonly psychotherapy involves a therapist and client(s) — and in family therapy several family members or even other members from their social network — who discuss emotionally difficult situati"
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LifeShops
What Is Counseling?
There are many myths about what Counseling entails. Most of them are rooted in some outdated ideas about psychology and psychotherapy. Unfortunately, images of old men in beards, clients on couches and patients in asylums still define what counseling is for many individuals who might benefit from what counseling offers today. Often, people dismiss counseling as
Something for “crazy people”?
Professional help for people with really major problems?
An activity for people who are way too preoccupied with themselves!
A crutch for people who are just too weak to handle life.
or
Where you go and get analyzed by somebody and then hope something changes for the better!
Usually, if counseling is described in these ways, the descriptions are coming from people who have never been to counseling....
Counseling is many things....but a good place to start is by clarifying
what counseling is NOT!
Counseling is NOT a place that people go to find out if they’re "crazy" ...but rather to get support because sometimes the world can seem pretty “crazy.”
Counseling is NOT something that attends only to challenges regarded as “major problems” and dismissing things some may regard as “less important problems” but rather attends to the issues that students bring in whenever they feel the distress is getting in the way of living life with satisfaction. Counseling simply helps show those who come to counseling that they possess the strength and abilities to manage their challenges.
Counseling is NOT an activity for self-absorbed people. In fact, most students who seek counseling are struggling because they are very sensitive to the feelings and experiences of others and want to preserve their relationships by working on the difficulties that threaten them..
Counseling is NOT an activity where one expert analyzes the client.
Rather, it is an activity where counselor and client work as a team to make positive changes in the client's approach to life.
Counseling is NOT a crutch for weak people. Rather, it is a vehicle for strong people who decide to face their challenges directly rather than continue in the more frightened and “escape”-oriented ways that others use to deal with difficulties.
A MirrorThe counselor's job is to hold the mirror up for you to take a closer look at who you are, where your strengths are, and how manageable your limitations can be.
Counseling is a unique relationship in which the Counselor’s job is to hold up a mirror for the client to see himself or herself in. We all have experiences in which we can’t see things about ourselves without a mirror.
Whether our hair is fully combed, whether we have something stuck in our teeth, or whether we have a wound in a hard to see place, we often need mirrors to see these things well enough to do something about them. And, sometimes, we need someone to hold the mirror so we can see the things at are at more hidden angles.
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Do Fears Block Your Success?
Succeeding is easy if nothing scares you. If nothing makes you hesitant, shy or nervous.
When you do not act, it is probably because of some FEAR. Fear is the inability to face someone or something. When you cannot face an issue, it causes complexity and stress.
For example, if you cannot easily discuss money, you have money problems. Whenever you need to take financial action, you freeze. You end with less money.
If you are an employer and avoid staff problems, production statistics decline. Work becomes serious. Since no one resolves the staff problems, the problems persist while your business suffers.
Avoiding topics with your spouse is the most common reason for marriage problems. Hiding, withholding or suppressing your feelings and thoughts from your spouse is a giant leap toward divorce.
When fears control your life, L. Ron Hubbard points out you are controlled by shadows. If you reach out and take action despite your fears, you will discover how thin and weak the fears really are!
To illustrate this point, Ron wrote, "On Lake Tanganyika* the natives have a very interesting way of catching fish. There on the equator the sun shines straight down through the clear water. The natives take blocks of wood and string them along a long rope. They stretch this rope between two canoes and with these abreast begin to paddle towards the shoal** water. By the time they have reached the shoals, schools of fish are piled and crowded into the rocks and onto the beach. The blocks of wood on the rope make shadows which go all the way down to the bottom of the lake and the fish, seeing the approach of these shadows and the apparent solid bars which they form in the water, swim fearfully away from them and so are caught." (*Lake Tanganyika is located in east-central Africa.)(** Shoal: shallow.)
There are several ways you can blow away the shadows that stop you from succeeding.
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The Dangers of Denial:
The Dangers of Denial
* Denial Is Caused By Fear
* It's Not My Fault
* Don't Blame Me...
* Why Denial Is Dangerous
* Give Up Denial
Who's Fooling Whom?
Most people who are addicted to substances, people, or behaviors don't want to admit they have a problem. Friends and loved ones of the addicted person may also deny the problem by trying to cover up for the other person's behavior. Ending denial is never easy, and takes great courage. But continuing denial makes it impossible to recover from addiction.
Denial Is Caused By Fear
Fear pushes many addicts into denial, a belief that their situation is really not that serious. People who are afraid to face their problems often start practicing denial even before they're addicted. They may get resentful, angry, or defensive when asked about their behavior. As addiction progresses, it causes its own problems. Then the idea of facing reality can be frightening and overwhelming.
Its Not My Fault
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Psychological Intimacy in the Lasting Relationships of Heterosexual and Same-Gender Couples: "Psychological Intimacy in the Lasting Relationships of Heterosexual and Same-Gender Couples
by Richard A. Mackey, Matthew A. Diemer, Bernard A.O'Brien. Published 8/00: Sex Roles: A Journal of Research
This research focused on the meaning of psychological intimacy to partners in heterosexual and same-gender relationships that have lasted for an average of 30 years. In-depth interviews were used to explore the meaning of intimacy to 216 partners in 108 relationships. The participants were whites, blacks, and Mexican-Americans, with Catholic, Jewish, and Protestant religious backgrounds; they were employed in both blue-and white collar occupations.
Specialists who have studied sexual behavior and worked with priests say that proposals to address the sexual abuse scandal in the Catholic church by screening homosexuals out of the priesthood are based on a flawed understanding -- and doomed to fail.
Psychological intimacy was defined as the sense that one could be open and honest in talking with a partner about personal thoughts and feelings not usually expressed in other relationships. Factors that had a significant role in shaping the quality of psychological intimacy in the last 5 to 10 years of these"
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by Phil Rich, Ed.D., MSW
Defining intimacy is no straightforward task. Its meaning varies from relationship to relationship, and within relationships over time. In some relationships, intimacy is entwined with sex and feelings of closeness may be connected or confused with sexual feelings. In other relationships, intimacy has more to do with shared moments than sexual interactions. In any case, intimacy is linked with feelings of closeness among partners in a relationship. But, even without a specific definition, it seems clear that intimacy and healthy relationships go hand in hand. Indeed, intimacy is a basic ingredient in any meaningful relationship.
The Meaning of Intimacy
Spread throughout this article are questions designed to help you think about and explore intimacy in your relationship. You can think about and answer these questions on your own. Or, you can discuss and think about these questions with your romantic partner and, in this way, use the article to both explore and think about intimacy, and as an experience in intimacy.
Question: Think about the meaning of intimacy. If you'd like, refer to a dictionary, read a book or article on the subject of intimacy, or check out the Internet. Then define intimacy in your own words: what five behaviors, things, events, or interactions do you most identify with intimacy?
Question: In what way has the nature of intimacy changed in your relationship since you first became a couple?
Keeping Intimacy Alive
Intimacy in a relationship cannot be a thing of the past. Healthy relationships continue through choice, implying a continual re-commitment to and renewal of the relationship, and a constant freshness. Intimacy is also something that must be re-created from moment to moment within the relationship.
Question: What five things represent intimacy for you?
Question: What five things represent intimacy for your partner?
Question: What was the most intimate aspect of your relationship in its earliest days?
Question: What's the most intimate aspect of your current relationship?
Question: In terms of intimacy in your relationship, what's changed, and why?
Question: What five activities can keep or re-introduce intimacy in your relationship?
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Ten Reasons Not to Hit Your Kids
by Jan Hunt, M.Sc.
In Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Finland, Iceland, Croatia, Cyprus, Latvia, Italy, Israel, Germany and Austria, it is illegal for a parent, teacher, or anyone else to spank a child. In some states and provinces, it is only illegal for a teacher to spank. In all areas of North America, physical punishment by a parent, as long as it is not severe, is still seen by many as necessary discipline, and condoned, or sadly, even encouraged.
For the past several years, many psychiatrists, sociological researchers, and parents have recommended that we seriously consider banning the physical punishment of children. The most important reason, according to Dr. Peter Newell, coordinator of the organization End Punishment of Children (EPOCH)1, is that "all people have the right to protection of their physical integrity, and children are people too."2
1. Hitting children teaches them to become hitters themselves. Extensive research data is now available to support a direct correlation between corporal punishment in childhood and aggressive or violent behavior in the teenage and adult years. Virtually all of the most dangerous criminals were regularly threatened and punished in childhood. It is nature's plan that children learn attitudes and behaviors through observation and imitation of their parents' actions, for good or ill. Thus it is the responsibility of parents to set an example of empathy and wisdom.
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Sexual Abuse and Spanking
Spanked children don't regard their bodies as being
their own personal property. Spanking trains them to
accept the idea that adults have absolute authority
over their bodies, including the right to inflict pain.
And being hit on the buttocks teaches them that even
their sexual areas are subject to the will of adults.
The child who submits to a spanking on Monday is not
likely to say "No" to a molester on Tuesday. People who
sexually molest or exploit children know this. They
stalk potential victims among children who have been
taught to "obey or else" because such children are the
easiest targets.
The above excerpt was re-posted with permission of:
Jordan Riak, Exec. Dir.,
Parents and Teachers Against Violence in Education
(PTAVE), P.O. Box 1033, Alamo, CA 94507-7033.
Web site: "Project NoSpank" at
www.nospank.net
Telephone: (925) 831-1661
Thus begins, another episode of The Wraith of Thor. First, a bit of background. I was cruising the net, and landed on an excellent site: nospank.net. As I read further, the wrath began to boil. I knew what I had to write on this week.
Parents teach their children in many ways that their body is subject to control to any adult. This may be through teachings of respect, or in this case, spanking. Riak makes an excellent point; "obey or else". Any child with this upbringing, if strict and done well, will do just that. I grew up, with the same parenting. It was respect, or get beaten. By the time I was seven, I was thoroughly trained. This time for me, overlaps the exact time that my abuse began. And alas, the man was not hurting me, he was helping me. So I thought. Although there was a bit of pain, I was trained, and he was the adult after all. I am not giving total credit for my abuse due to the fact I was spanked. There are many factors that lead up to a sexually abusive situation. However, for me, there was a double problem directly related to spanking.
Not only was I trained to let any adult have their way with me, I was also scared to tell my parents of the dirty deeds I had done, in fear of being spanked/beaten. For me, Riak has opened quite a can of worms. As I sit here this very moment, pondering on another factor that might have been changed to save my innocence. It is very difficult to think about these things, but crucial to understand.
Parents, if you are reading this and shunning the very information being portrayed, I advise you to click here. This could save the innocence of your child.
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Post Traumatic Stress
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder In this(PTSD)article what are the symptoms of PTSD?
In general, post-traumatic stress disorder can be seen as an overwhelming of the body's normal psychological defenses against stress. Thus, after the trauma, there is abnormal function (dysfunction) of the normal defense systems, which results in certain symptoms. The symptoms are produced in three different ways:
Re-experiencing the trauma
Persistent avoidance
Increased arousal
First, symptoms can be produced by re-experiencing the trauma, whereby the individual can have distressing recollections of the trauma. For example, the person may relive the experience as terrible dreams or nightmares or as daytime flashbacks of the event. Furthermore, external cues in the environment may remind the patient of the event. As a result, the psychological distress of the exposure to trauma is reactivated (brought back) by internal thoughts, memories, and even fantasies. Persons also can experience physical reactions to stress, such as sweating and rapid heart rate. (These reactions are similar to the "fight or flight" responses to emergencies described by Dr. Walter Cannon.) The patient's posttraumatic symptoms can be identical to those symptoms experienced when the actual trauma was occurring.
The second way that symptoms are produced is by persistent avoidance. The avoidance refers to the person's efforts to avoid trauma-related thoughts or feelings and activities or situations that may trigger memories of the trauma. This so-called psychogenic (emotionally caused) amnesia (loss of memory) for the event can lead to a variety of reactions. For example, the patient may develop a diminished interest in activities that used to give pleasure, detachment from other people, restricted range of feelings, and a sad affect that leads to the view that the future will be shortened.
The third way that symptoms are produced is by an increased state of arousal of the affected person. These arousal symptoms include sleep disturbances, irritability, outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating, increased vigilance, and an exaggerated startle response when shocked.
Post Traumatic Stress
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder In this(PTSD)article what are the symptoms of PTSD?
In general, post-traumatic stress disorder can be seen as an overwhelming of the body's normal psychological defenses against stress. Thus, after the trauma, there is abnormal function (dysfunction) of the normal defense systems, which results in certain symptoms. The symptoms are produced in three different ways:
Re-experiencing the trauma
Persistent avoidance
Increased arousal
First, symptoms can be produced by re-experiencing the trauma, whereby the individual can have distressing recollections of the trauma. For example, the person may relive the experience as terrible dreams or nightmares or as daytime flashbacks of the event. Furthermore, external cues in the environment may remind the patient of the event. As a result, the psychological distress of the exposure to trauma is reactivated (brought back) by internal thoughts, memories, and even fantasies. Persons also can experience physical reactions to stress, such as sweating and rapid heart rate. (These reactions are similar to the "fight or flight" responses to emergencies described by Dr. Walter Cannon.) The patient's posttraumatic symptoms can be identical to those symptoms experienced when the actual trauma was occurring.
The second way that symptoms are produced is by persistent avoidance. The avoidance refers to the person's efforts to avoid trauma-related thoughts or feelings and activities or situations that may trigger memories of the trauma. This so-called psychogenic (emotionally caused) amnesia (loss of memory) for the event can lead to a variety of reactions. For example, the patient may develop a diminished interest in activities that used to give pleasure, detachment from other people, restricted range of feelings, and a sad affect that leads to the view that the future will be shortened.
The third way that symptoms are produced is by an increased state of arousal of the affected person. These arousal symptoms include sleep disturbances, irritability, outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating, increased vigilance, and an exaggerated startle response when shocked.
The 3 Essentials for Building
Successful Relationships
By Alicia Fortinberry, MS
Good relationships in all areas of our lives are essential to our physical and emotional health but we seem to have more trouble than ever achieving them.
My husband, psychologist Bob Murray, and I have mined the fields of neurobiology, movement physiology and psychology and emerged with a startling new approach and some very concrete and simple tools.
Just as ants make ant-hills, human beings are relationship-making creatures. We function better within a supportive relationship environment or community. Yet ever since we abandoned our hunter-gatherer ways we have drifted further from the ability to connect successfully with each other.
In our private practice and the Uplift Program many of our clients and students confess to great difficulties dealing with others. Those who are single, for instance, despair of finding the ideal mate and those who live with a partner often report feeling just as isolated. The truth is most people never learned how to nurture their relationships.
The answer? We need to relearn the lost art of relationship-making from our hunter-gather forbears.
Every tribe, or band, had its taboos, roles and rituals, which enabled members to stay together and survive. And since our brains are still those of hunter-gatherers, the essence of relationship-making is much the same for modern humans.
We call these "tribal bonding" skills the 3 "R"s for successful relationships: rules, roles and rituals.
1. Rules
While most of our social and cultural taboos have broken down, and many aren't feasible in a multi-cultural society, we still need rules and boundaries in relationships for safety and emotional security.
For modern humans this means setting the ground-rules and working out the conditions of each relationship you're in--with your partner, friends and colleagues, and even with your kids.
In the Uplift Program courses and workshops, Transform Your Life and Your Relationships audio-workbook and in our new book Creating Optimism we show you exactly how to do this using our unique Needs-Based DialogueTM approach to relationships.
Here's a few tips to get you started.
Think about what you really need the other person to do or not do in each of your relationships. All too often relationship needs are unstated, keeping others guessing. Or we express our needs in terms too vague to act on. "I need respect," means entirely different things to different people.
Would you like your colleagues to acknowledge your contibution on a joint project to your supervisor? Do you need your partner to let you know if he's running late? Do you want your date to pay for dinner or share the bill? If so let them know these needs are ground-rules for having a relationship with you.
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