The ten steps to happiness
The ten steps to happiness
1) Plant something and nurture it.
2) Count your blessings -- at least five -- at the end of
each day.
3) Take time to talk and have an hour-long conversation
with a loved one each week.
4) Phone a friend whom you have not spoken to for a while
and arrange to meet up.
5) Give yourself a treat every day and take the time to
really enjoy it.
6) Have a good laugh at least once a day.
7) Get physical exercise for half an hour three times a
week.
8) Smile at and/or say hello to a stranger at least once
each day.
9) Cut your TV viewing by half.
10) Spread some kindness and do a good deed for someone
every day.
The Effects of Domestic Violence
on Children
In homes where domestic violence occurs, children are at high risk for suffering physical abuse themselves. Regardless of whether children are physically abused, the emotional effects of witnessing domestic violence are very similar to the psychological trauma of being a victim of child abuse.
Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may "indirectly" receive injuries. They may be hurt when household items are thrown or weapons are used. Infants may be injured if being held by the mother when the batterer strikes out.
Older children may be hurt while trying to protect their mother.
Children in homes where domestic violence occurs may experience cognitive or language problems, developmental delay, stress-related physical ailments (such as headaches, ulcers, and rashes), and hearing and speech problems.
Many children in homes where domestic violence occurs have difficulties in school, including problems with concentration, poor academic performance, difficulty with peer interactions, and more absences from school.
Boys who witness domestic violence are more likely to batter their female partners as adults than boys raised in nonviolent homes. There is no evidence, however, that girls who witness their mothers' abuse have a higher risk of being battered as adults.
Taking responsibility for the abuse.
Constant anxiety (that another beating will occur) and stress-related disorders.
Guilt for not being able to stop the abuse or for loving the abuser.
Fear of abandonment.
Social isolation and difficulty interacting with peers and adults.
Low self-esteem.
Younger children do not understand the meaning of the abuse they observe and tend to believe that they “must have done something wrong.” Self-blame can precipitate feelings of guilt, worry, and anxiety.
Children may become withdrawn, non-verbal, and exhibit regressed behaviors such as clinging and whining. Eating and sleeping difficulty, concentration problems, generalized anxiety, and physical complaints (such as headaches) are all common.
Unlike younger children, the pre-adolescent child typically has greater ability to externalize negative emotions. In addition to symptoms commonly seen with childhood anxiety (such as sleep problems, eating disturbance, nightmares), victims in this age group may show a loss of interest in social activities, low self-concept, withdrawal or avoidance of peer relations, rebelliousness and oppositional-defiant behavior in the school setting. It is also common to observe temper tantrums, irritability, frequent fighting at school or between siblings, lashing out at objects, treating pets cruelly or abusively, threatening of peers or siblings with violence, and attempts to gain attention through hitting, kicking, or choking peers and/or family members. Girls are more likely to exhibit withdrawal and run the risk of being “missed” as a child in need of support.
Adolescents are at risk of academic failure, school drop-out, delinquency, substance abuse, and difficulties in their own relationships.
Domestic Violence: Spousal Abuse
The recent arrest of a man who murdered his young pregnant girlfriend,(who was also the mother of a small child) compelled me to write this article on spousal abuse.The death of this woman at the hands of a man who abused her for over two years is a tragedy that should not have happened and yet it is an all too familiar theme.
The murder of pregnant women by their husbands or boyfriends is on the rise. Twice in the past three years we have seen high profile media coverage concerning the murders of pregnant women by their husbands, the most infamous one, that of Laci Peterson.
Police officials say that domestic violence and spousal abuse are almost always precursors to murder.If the abuser is fueled by alcohol or drugs, death at the hands of the "man who loves you" is a stark and frightening reality.
Unfortunately it is a crime that the victim rarely willingly reports.There is the embarassment of having to show bruises to police officers and doctors; the shame of having the law step into your home and personal problems. Some women even feel that they are to blame for the violent behavior of their spouse or boyfriend beacuse they "did something wrong."
More then sixty percent of all married couples in the United States have some type of spousal abuse in their lives. This abuse can take many forms. Certainly we are all familiar with pictures on television, and in magazines and newspapers of victims who have been physically abused by their spouses.
Abusive behavior, learned from childhood, is the ugly product that produces abusers. What we take with us from our childhoods can be fortunate, or unfortunate, impacting our adult lives. We can treat our spouses with love and compassion or violence and cruelty depending on what we were exposed to as children. It can take years and great soul-searching to correct our approach to how we deal with, and interact with, another person. It may be necessary to attend therapy sessions in anger management or compassionate living to overcome years of what we saw, but swore we’d never become.
Though we are all capable of losing our tempers, physically hurting the person you say you love is always wrong. Hitting, punching, kicking, biting, shoving, any form of physical abuse is not to be tolerated. One time leads to years of pain and suffering.
A form of abuse, that until recently was never discussed because there were no visible signs, is emotional abuse. Friends and family may not even know a person is being emotionally abused. An emotional abuser knows exactly what to say to their spouse to hurt as deeply as possible. Many abusers will rant and rave for hours using demeaning words and profanity. They may also take past painful episodes in the life of their spouse, perhaps a childhood trauma, and use them as weapons.Emotional abuse leaves scars too.
Sometimes emotional and physical abuse combines in a strange and painful way. The emotional abuser’s victim eventually fights back and becomes a person who can become physically violent in an attempt to stop the pain of the razor-sharp words. In that sad case they each become both victims and abusers.
You do not need to be a victim. Get help immediately! There is no shame in asking for help. Contact a lawyer who deals in domestic violence; if you cannot afford one, contact Legal Aid. There are shelters and safe houses for victims of domestic abuse. Leave your house immediately if you feel threatened in any way; go with your gut instinct. Abuse is insidious. Look for the signs. Seek help if your spouse's immediate reaction to any disagreement escalates into the physical.Once abuse starts it rarely stops.
Can a marriage where there has been abuse be saved? Psychiatrists say yes, but only if both spouses consent and only if the abuser is absolutely willing to change abusive behavior. There can be no “I’ll try to change,” there can only be “I will change.” Otherwise it will not work. The abuser in a relationship, needs to be aware of one unbreakable iron-clad rule: there is no going back to old violent behavior patterns. Ever. If that rule is broken the marriage is over. Period.
Healing a fragmented love is a process that takes time and concentrated effort. Unfortunately, in some cases, there may be too much damage done to ever repair. One physical act of abuse is one too many.
Sacred Jude in my Life, Miracles Abound!!
