Surviving Infidelity – How to survive infidelity and create an even stronger marriage than before

Surviving Infidelity – How to survive infidelity and create an even stronger marriage than before


Here are some facts that can help in surviving infidelity in your marriage.

Surviving infidelity is possible.

It really is. But its not at all easy.


Surviving infidelity begins with an honest look at your relationship.

It’s not usually the case that a happily married person in a significant and meaningful marriage takes part in an extramarital affair. Rather, that person is usually unfaithful because they are unhappy with their marriage and therefore distract themselves with the infidelity. That doesn’t mean that the injured spouse is therefore somehow responsible for the affair. But it does mean that both of you need to acknowledge that there may have been problems in the relationship even before the affair occurred. And it means that it’s important, if you’re truly committed to surviving infidelity, that you each honestly assess the state of your relationship prior to the affair in order to determine what led to the unfaithful act.


Surviving infidelity requires taking ownership for whatever problems exist.

Clearly there were unmet needs, gaps, and missed opportunities for growth in your marriage. Affairs give us a jolt, waking us up so we can see what we need to work on. And if you’re willing to take ownership of your part in the problems and do the extremely difficult work involved in surviving infidelity, then you have the opportunity to make your marriage stronger and more fulfilling than it ever was before the infidelity took place.


Surviving infidelity demands forgiveness.

A broken promise requires healing and forgiveness. The failure to give or receive forgiveness is the reason for every marriage that fails to survive infidelity. So if you want to rebuild your lives and your marriage, prepare yourselves for some hard work.


Surviving infidelity is something other couples have experienced.

Here’s an example of a couple who came through some hard times together, survived infidelity, and ultimately established an even stronger marital relationship. They got into a social group where affairs were the norm, and when they had young children the husband admitted that he had had many affairs himself. They were then faced with the task of surviving infidelity.

They immediately realized that sacrifices were vitally necessary, so they took themselves out of the fast lane, cut themselves off from many of their friends, and completely changed their lifestyle. Through counseling they found new ways to communicate. They were much more open with each other, constantly checking in with each other emotionally.

It took a year of recovery before the wife finally made room for him. Forgiveness didn’t just happen in one moment; it took time and serious effort. He became more accountable, they both prioritized their time together, and they did everything they could think of to enhance the trust and forgiveness in their marriage. In short, they made their marriage a priority, something they hadn’t done before. As a result, they were able not only to survive infidelity, but to actually create and build something new and deeper than what had been there in the beginning.


Surviving infidelity means going to work.

To experience something like this, where you end up more than surviving infidelity, you two will need to do the intense emotional work that is required. You’ll need to each stop looking to place blame. Then you can empathize with each other, and do the work that will let you enjoy a future together—a future that just might offer you more than you’ve ever experienced before.

Labels: successful marriages

posted by Robert Heard at 7:27 AM