I really find it hard to talk about this

I really find it hard to talk about this. I have written it down before in utter disbelief that what happen to me is in fact RAPE. I was assualted by a really good friend, or so I thought, on May 27,2000. I had always had a crush on him and he knew it he teased me about it all of the time. but this particular night I was at my best friends house as usual, because that's where he stayed,he was her cousin. As usual we would play nad wrestle and have food fights. This night was just like and other time that I had stayed the night. we went into his room to chill and watch movies, mind you everyone had gone to bed at this point. he had never given me amy reason to believe that he would hurt me. I 'll never forget it it was 1:27 am and we were watching a movie called sleepy hallow: as we layed in his bed. he was drinking and smoking marajuana, and I was laying in his bed drinking some ocean spray cranapple juice when he leaned over and tried to kiss me. I asked him what he thought he was doing. he looked at me and said " girl you know you like me". I said so what that got to do with any thing. then he roled over and laugh. so we continued to watch the movie. next thing I knew he had his hand up my shirt touching ny breast. I hit his hand and told him to stop it and that what he was doing wasn't funny . he just laughed at me and continued to do it any way. so I hit him and said cut it out. that owrked for about 5 min. then he went up my skirt with his hand ahd inserted his finger inside me. I cried I looked at him and said" you know I'm a virgin why are you doing this?" his only rely is you know you want too. I tried to fight him off but he was just o strong.the next thing that I knew was that he was on thop of me he held my hands above my head and proceede to take off my underwear. I fought as best I could but nothing worked. All I could do was cry as he penetrated me
I just can't understand why I didn't cry out for help. then he had the nerve to tell me that I was being to loud so he covered my face with a musty pillow. he did what he had to do then I rolled over curled up in a ball and cried myself to sleep. the worst part about it is I don't think that he even remembers it the way it really happens. because the next day all he could say was Ican't believe that you gave it up to me.. I honestly cant believe that I'm about to say this but I blame the alcohol and the drugs because I honestly don't hink that he remebers it.. and I never really brought it up to him that I told him No11 that we cant do this
by Theresa on 10 Mar 2004

Labels: I really find it hard to talk about this

posted by Robert Heard at 8:00 AM