How to Resolve Conflicts in a Marriage

How to Resolve Conflicts in a Marriage
Occasional conflict in marriage is par for the course. Contrary to what some inexperienced couples with m… More



Love
Step
1
Minimize distractions. Turn the television off, put the answering machine on and go to an area in your home, where the two of you won't be disturbed. You and your spouse should be able to concentrate on your issues, without having your attention drawn away.

Step
2
Attack the issue, not the person. Too often, individuals can get so caught up in the anger of the moment, that they make demeaning, overly critical remarks about their spouses. A couple should, instead, be dealing only with the specific concern that has caused contention between them, not launching personal attacks against each other. Belittling your husband/ wife will only exacerbate the problem and break down the lines of communication.

Step
3
Listen to each other. In any conflict, there are always two sides. You may be tempted to dominate the conversation by expressing your own opinions, without allowing your spouse to share his or her views on the matter at hand. If you sincerely want to subvert further disagreement, you must be willing to hear each other out. The two of you should be respectful to one another and make a sincere effort to consider what the other has to say.

Step
4
Avoid making blanket generalizations. Some couples, when in a dispute, preface their remarks with phrases, such as "You never" or "You're always", likely followed by a negative statement. This is unfair and probably untrue. Generalizing can make the other person feel defensive and that you have already formed an unyielding opinion against him or her.

Step
5
Try to keep from bringing up old conflicts. Rehashing a past disagreement, in the midst of your current one, will only compound the anger and make you lose focus on the issue at hand. For example, if you are upset today, because your husband made an insensitive remark or your wife dented the car, then address that problem. Try not to complicate the present conflict by adding on concerns that formerly offended you.

Step
6
Be willing to confess mistakes. Be flexible enough to consider that you may be the one in the wrong. Nobody is right all of the time and, often, both parties may need to admit that they have contributed to the cause of a problem. Your readiness to address your own faults can help your spouse feel less vulnerable about coming clean with his/her own faults. If your significant other does admit a blunder, resist the urge to gloat.

Step
7
Employ a sense of humor. Keeping a sense of humor is essential in any marriage and even in the midst of conflict, it can disarm negativity and help a couple to let down their guard. It may not apply to every situation, but never discount the power of laughter!

Step
8
Forgive each other. Too often, couples hold on to grudges and hurts, even after they have seemingly addressed a conflict. Once an argument is over, learn to let it go and work on learning ways to improve your relationship in the future. Realizing that neither of you is "perfect" will help you see things in a more rational perspective.

Step
9
Get counseling. If you find that you and your spouse are having difficulty resolving your conflicts on your own, it may be time to ask for outside assistance. You might choose a licensed, certified marriage counselor to help you or you may prefer to speak with your rabbi, priest or pastor.. Whatever option you decide upon, it's important that you put forth the effort to find out the root cause of all the contention, so that you can effectively deal with it.

Labels: How to Resolve Conflicts in a Marriage

posted by Robert Heard at 7:26 AM