This is the first time in 8 years that I have talked to anyone about this

Hi. This is the first time in 8 years that I have talked to anyone about this. I don't remember much of my childhood before my uncle Larry died. I do remember when my parents divorced. I remember my mom working so many jobs trying to raise my sister and me. Then in 1991 my mom was seeing a man named Dale G. He left in 1992 and went to South Carolina. In 1993 he came back here to Mississippi. He moved in with my mom and us. In 1994, my mom got pregnant with my little brother. The night my little brother went back to the hospital is when it first happened. I was 12 years old, and the man, I wanted so dearly as a father figure, tried to touch me. He was sitting on the couch. I was laying on the couch with my feet on his lap. I started having a stomach ache. He asked me if I wanted him to rub my stomach so it would stop hurting. I didn't think anything of it so I said sure. His hand started going further down. I got up off the couch and locked myself in the bathroom. Well, I told my mom. She asked him and he lied. He told her I was lying about the whole thing. One year later on my 13th birthday, he asked me if I wanted to be a woman. I said no. I wanted to be a kid. That night I was sitting on the back doorstep. He joined me and asked what was wrong. I said I couldn't sleep. He came around so that he could be in front of me. He started hugging me. After a few minutes I felt something strange. He asked if I wanted to feel it again. I said no, but he pushed me back and pulled me down. He pulled his penis out of his boxers and forced it in my vagina. Every time my mother was gone somewhere and I was alone with him, he would rape me. I would mentally leave my body and block what was happening out. I told my mother several times, but she said I seduced him. From then until 1997, I tried suicide, running away, drugs, and drinking to take it all away. In 1997 on a Friday, I went to breakfast that morning and told my best friend that I'd be dead by lunch. In study hall, I asked to go to the bathroom. My best friend knew why. I went to the bathroom and slit my wrists. Five minutes later, she found me almost dead. Ms. Shona Jordon called my mother at the hospital in Oxford, MS and told her to come to the school. That night I was supposed to go to the prom with my boy friend. I never made it. My mom sent me to Charter Parkwood for help. In Family Therapy I told everything I remembered to my therapist while both sets of my parents were there. My mom called me a liar. One week later my grandfather passed away. My sis & I moved in with our dad. My sis stayed mad at me for years. My dad was in so much shock he didn't believe at first. In the summer of 97, he finally believed after my sixth suicide attempt. He sent me to St. Francis in Memphis, TN. I got better for a while. Then in 98, he sent my sis and I to live with our aunt Betty and Uncle James in Jackson, TN. I had a wonderful time living there. I graduated high school. I moved back here to Pontotoc, MS. I took care of my grandmother. Then I moved in with my first fiancé. He became verbally, mentally, and physically abusive. I left him because he ended up being gay and abusive. I lived with my grandmother again. I started seeing the guy who was to take me to the prom the night I left for Parkwood. He was great at first, then he forced me to take drugs and he abused me in every way. I was forced to do crack cocaine, and smoke pot. I had been drinking since the age of 13. At 21, I was drinking Vodka every day all day. Then I found out I was pregnant. The doctor said my baby was so hooked on drugs that he probably wouldn't live. I had my son 1 month before my grandmother died. He died 10 mins after birth. All due to my abuse, my life was hell. I went through other abuse in '02 to '03. My ex-fiance Jason was a drinker. I had stopped drinking after my son's death mind you. He almost choked me to death because I wouldn't get him a beer. Then in Sept. of 2003 I found the most loving man. Douglas has been wonderful to me. We have been through a lot together. I have had 2 car crashes and lived. He treats me like a queen. We plan to marry in March '06. He has me understand that it wasn't my fault. My mom is still married to the man that hurt me, but she'll understand on judgment day that what happened. Thanks for your time.
by Mitti Dillardon 25 Feb 2005

Labels: This is the first time in 8 years that I have talked to anyone about this

posted by Robert Heard at 6:19 AM