Not sure what I'm doing here or how I would like to express my frustration.

Not sure what I'm doing here or how I would like to express my frustration. I was raped for the first time at 18 years of age by someone I considered to be a big brother of mine. But most recently by a guy who I was extremely interested in. We worked together at a very large company, and hung out with the same group of friends. We hang out all of the time I'm not sure what happened this last time I went to visit. It started as usual he called and made plans to play video games and watch movies like any other night. I went over to his house and finally confessed what he probably already knew that I had a really big crush on him. It started out fine we had a couple of shots... played a couple of rounds of a the fighting game "Tekken." Then he kissed me and I was kind of taken back by this, but I accepted it with open arms. I thought finally someone who I had grown really fond of would reciprocate those feelings. The kiss only lasted a few seconds then I pulled back, and smiled then we continued to play. We took a few more shots and then a few friends called and said that they were gonna come over after work. We started to watch a movie, and I snuggled close to him and put my head on his chest. I looked up at him and smiles and then he kissed me again.. we started to make out, I let him touch me, and we just continued to kiss some more. Then he got up and went to the bathroom. At this time I was feeling a little tipsy because I really don't drink. Then he turned aggressive. I told him to stop and that I didn't want to have sex with him but he continued anyway. He is a much bigger guy then I am. I'm only 5'1, 130lbs and he is 6'2 about 220, so there is really no fighting him, but I did with all my might. I just could not help thinking in the back of my mind "This could not be happening to me again... I just can't live through this again. NOT AGAIN!" But it happened again. I asked him over and over to stop, and why he was doing this to me and all that he could say to me is that he wanted to show me how much he liked me.

Labels: Not sure what I'm doing here or how I would like to express my frustration.

posted by Robert Heard at 5:32 AM