My life changed forever when my father took it upon himself

My life changed forever when my father took it upon himself to make me touch him to the point where he was satisfied. I was 3 1/2 - 4 years old, I wasn't at school yet so I must have been around that age. My mum casually asked me when she came home from work "What did you get up to today?" I told her that I played with daddy's willy - she confronted him with this but he was a brilliant compulsive liar and made some story up. My mother always feared for my safety especially as my body matured, though she failed to take me out of that environment. I always kept what happened in the back of my mind-but since I didn't know that what had occurred was wrong I didn't tell anyone else. At 11years of age I became depressed and compulsively washed my hands. Then the truth came out - I told my mum everything in detail. My brother refused to believe me even though he knew my dad had talked to his girlfriend inappropriately about sex and touched her bottom - guess he was and is in denial. My mother went into denial also but did recall the day I told her about it. My father for years up until I was eleven use to make me sleep with him.
I have survived all of this without counselors and the rest. I am extremely strong and even though I dated people who were addicted to something (like my dad - who I couldn't help)I have now met a person who is normal and loving and treats me with immense respect. I have succeeded in my studies and I'm on my way to becoming a solicitor - as I do feel strongly about justice since I received very little of it! I have lost a family, I have no good memories of my father, but till this day I can still make his Jim Beam and coke to his taste....thanks for the memories.I don't feel anger or hatred towards him, to me he has been dead for many years. Maybe thats my coping mechanism? My brother believes that I will regret not making things up with him before he dies, how can I possibly? He has never said sorry because to do so would entail recognition of what he has done.
I have made on my own but I crave the family I never had and wait in excitement for my future where I can create my own family, and that will be the greatest happiness for me.
by Ashon 8 Dec 2005

Labels: My life changed forever when my father took it upon himself

posted by Robert Heard at 6:04 AM