I'm a 22 year old female and I've been sexually abused 4 times in my life. The first time I was sexually abused was when I was 6 He was a friend of mine I think he was about 11 or maybe younger I don't really remember I blocked it out until I was like 8 I kept on having dreams about it and I went to my councelor at camp one day and she told my parents then the police or whatever I don't really remember it but I know that my parents didn't believe me they said I did it for "attention" something they've said all my life. The second time I was 12 years old and I was raped by a friend of mine who is actually a gay guy he was like 16 at the time. He and I were really good friends and one day I was riding my bike with my other friend and he said "hey Autumn wanna watch a movie?" and I told my other friend that I would be back. And she said alright and so then He lead me in the house to his room locked his door and made me watch porn. And then he had his fun with me. I remember feeling so dirty and when I got home I took a shower and pretended like nothing happened (I'm really good at pretending everything is fine when it's really not) And later on I told my mom that I had sex for the first time because I knew they wouldn't believe me. Then when I was 15 years old my best friends Uncle raped me he kidnapped me in his car took me to mc donalds of all places and then he asked me what I wanted and I was in shock and there was a knife next to him and I was scared of him and so I just said "whatever" and he ordered something and then he took me to his house and he took me to his room and he immediately took my shirt off and my bra off and my pants and panties off and I was trying to fight him but he was way too strong for me but I kept on fighting and he ended up cutting me with the knife because I wasn't being a "good little girl" for him. I ended up getting dropped off around the block from my house and I pretended that my friends house was my house and he left. And then I ran to my house and took a shower cuz I felt so disgusting and I was bleeding so I burned my shirt and put on my pj's and did the dishes and waited for my parents to come home then I pretended as if nothing happened. And the last time I was sexually abused was when I was 18 years old I was with my friend and she said she knew these guys that were driving into my complex and so I was like oh and she wanted to smoke speed with them and I was like whatever because I just wanted to forget about my being a good girl all the time so I tried it too. And they ended up taking us to their house and well she had sex with this guy and I was just sitting in the room looking at a magazine and then this other guy wanted to "talk" to me and he ended up throwing me on his bed I hit the headboard and he started ripping my clothes off and he had sex with me and I didn't wake up for a long time but when I did I freaked out and was very scared of him and he seen that I had woken up and he threw me on the floor and I crawled to the bathroom and he followed me in the bathroom and I don't remember what happened after that all I remember is my "friend" and I tried to get out of the house and he locked us in the house well we jumped the fence and walked miles and miles she slept while I just layed on the ground at some apartments and then I remember us walking into albertsons and staying in the bathroom for hours because it was sometime in december and it was really cold. And this whole time I couldn't feel my legs and I was still so freakin' high. And I remember talking spanish the whole time cept when I called my friend to pick us up. It was like 6 in the morning but she picked us up anyway and then she dropped me off at my parents house and I went to sleep. That's all I remember. I've been verbally abused and physically abused and emotionally and mentally all by my dad now but I still love him and I know that it's not his fault he's just tough on me.
by Butterfly on 3 Apr 2004
Labels: I'm a 22 year old female and I've been sexually abused 4 times in my life
While my story included sexual assault, it began with physical. My dad was physically and emotionally abusive for as long as I remember. He was the worst to my older brother. There were 4 years between us, and a sister in the middle. It all began with my dad. Without knowing it, he was conditioning me from the time I was born to accept, even expect abuse. He was the one that taught me to equate pain with love, to accept that people who love you often will hurt you. Because of him I formulated my survival technique. Never show weakness, never say mercy, never cry. Very early in my life I found myself locked in a battle of will with my father. Proving to him I was stronger than him, because I never gave in, never let him have the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. Over and over in my head saying to him, spiteful and almost laughing, 'you think this hurts me? You honestly think you can hurt me?!?' He was the one who taught me that it wasn't discussed, and my mom helped too. Every time that she looked away or left the room while he was beating us. Of course he told us that it was because he loved us. Of course he told us that this is what God expected of us.
And of course I forgave him, without him even asking. I've never been mad at him for this, held him accountable for just how much he damaged me, and paved the way for further trauma.
I was 9 when my older brother began raping me. He was never violent, always gentle, but he would never listen to me, never let me go when I said stop, always just holding me down. He bribed me with money, gifts, and protection from my father. There were many times when he got between me and father, took beatings for me. He stopped when I was around 12.
I began drinking, smoking, self-mutilating. Anyone who felt like sleeping with me got to. I never said no. I was too afraid to. So I just let them, hating it all the while, playing mad mind games and disassociation games to keep myself from freaking out. I spent all of my teen years consumed with hate and anger, mostly self-directed. For being so fuc*ing week all the time.
From 15 to 19 I had a boyfriend Travis. Just after a month into out relationship I was gang raped at a party Travis wasn't with me at. More men were there than I bothered to count. Sometimes now I wish I would've, just so that I would know. Sometimes I know that it was right not to. It went on for hours. We were outside, it was April there was still snow on the ground and real cold out. They were extremely violent; they beat me up a lot. Two or three of them would be on me at once, they raped me vaginally, orally, and anally. They cut me several times with a knife they had. They penetrated me with whatever was handy, sticks, flashlights, whatever. They laughed a lot. I can still hear the sound of myself screaming that night in the woods. Years down the road, at 19, I found out that hell was an act of retaliation, not intended to punish me but to punish Travis. At the time of the rape I knew that to some degree, but couldn't figure out how or why. I didn't tell him what happened. I was afraid of how he would react, what he would do to them, and how it would affect our relationship. So I told him what the rumor after the party was, that I had hooked up with a guy at this party, that I had cheated on him. He forgave me but punished me for it. Calling me a whore, refusing to touch me and calling me diseased. I tolerated this for two years and finally broke down and told him the truth, about that night and the shit from when I was little. During the two years after the rape, we never had sex, though we had been sexually active prior. After the rape I stopped drinking and therefore became completely frigid. Travis would try to touch me and I would shake so violently that he couldn't even get a good hold on me. After I opened up to him we began to work on repairing me sexually. Progress was slow, so somehow, I really don't remember how, we decided that he would just do it. Even if I was upset or crying or fighting him, he should just keep fucking me. So he did that, and while was he was he would whisper in my ear that he loved me, that I didn't need to be afraid, this was because he loved me. Somehow this actually worked, at times I did have really good sex with him.
When I found out not only that he was the cause of the rape, but that he had assumed all along the truth and still gave me shit for two years over me "cheating" on him. And that he himself was a rapist, I had to break up with. I felt so betrayed. I thought back on the "sex therapy" we'd had and realized that it wasn't for me, he didn't care about me. In all likelihood it was what he wanted, he was turned on. I thought he was trying to help me, to heal me, but it was for him, for his pleasure.
My next boyfriend was bad from the start. We were heavy into drugs together, we had lots of threesome and group sex. Always me and men, never other women, usually mock rape, always degrading and demeaning, but whatever. Soon I was sleeping with men for drugs, unable to afford as much as I wanted to ingest. Kevin snapped the camels back one night when we were in a fight, about some guy that he wanted to see fu*k me that I didn't want to fu*k. This arguement was going all night, towards dawn I headed to bed, leaving Kevin with a bunch of his friends, still partying. A while after I fell asleep I woke up to the door opening. Kevin and his friend, and Kevin held me down so that this other dude could do it.
I saw Kevin only once after that. I entered rehab but was only sober for about two months. Last October I was raped by a man I met at the bar. I was leaving with him to go get high. I knew it was stupid, and knew I was putting myself in a bad situation, but I did it anyway. It probably was the easiest of all the rapes to deal with. It was the shortest in duration, it was only one person, he was stranger, not someone I'd have to see again, and compared to all I've been thru seems so minor.
Obviously, I am unable to talk about this. My parents found out about the childhood abuse, and gang rape at 15 when I was 16. We had exactly two conversations about it. They asked me if I was alright, if I felt I needed therapy. They believed me when I said it was fine, that I was fine, that I didn't need help. I am pretty estranged from them at this point.
So I am stuck in this cycle. So angry, addicted to drugs and alcohol, and sex. I can't have normal loving sex with my boyfriend. I finally have one that is a decent person, who I know could never hurt me like these other men did. He's the first man I've been able to say "No" to. But I make him hurt me in bed. I can't get off unless I am in pain, so I make him hit me, choke me, slap me around. And I am so mean to him but can't help it. I have to remind myself constantly that he is not all those other men. Force myself to look at him with kind eyes and not the stone cold defensive look I usually reserve for men.
He knows there are things wrong with me, knows that I have "issues", but I refuse to even name the traumas to him, tho I know he connected a dew dots on his own. I still self mutilate. I have nightmares, hallucinations, panic attacks. I forget to eat and take care of myself, so I am beginning to have quite a few physical problems.
For over a decade now, this had been my life. Rape has been my life. And I hate the hard and cold and bitter person it has made me. I hate the way any morals I had were thrown out the window while I tried to run from myself and my past. I hate that I walk around saying, 'better living thru denial', honestly believing it. I hate knowing that it will always be this way. There is no answer, no solution, no light. I've turned myself into this thing, so mute and weak; I can never get back to what I was. When I reflect on the years all I see is more pieces of me that were lost, that died. One by one I can see the where the pieces fell.
I know what lead to what, I know why Seth hurt me and why I felt the need to let so many other people hurt me. I know the role my dad and mom playing in contributing to this paralysis. I understand completely the cause and effect, where the dominos started to fall. But it doesn't help. It doesn't change anything. And I can't.
I read stories of people and how they've made the move from victim to survivor. That their liberation came when they realized it wasn't their fault. Newsflash, every one of us are victims, and will be as long as we are alive. You can't refuse to be a victim. You were made into one. And that is a status all of us will have for the duration of out lives. Strictly based on definition.
As far as placing blame, my true enslavement began when I realized that it wasn't my fault. That's how weak we are and that's how strong they are. No amount of willpower will ever best muscles or guns at the moments when it really matters. When it comes down to it, "they" can fu*k you whenever they want to. That's how small we are. And it's not our fault, it's the way it is. And that's where my real frustration comes in. For the rest of my life I know that if a man gets a notion in his head that he wants to fu*k me, he will, and that's that. Regardless of whether or not I decide to say no. I am only safe as long as a man allows me to be. I'm only safe until they decide they want to hurt me.
I am 22 years old. And all this doesn't come close to completing my stories.
by Angel Longsleeveson 16 Aug 2004
Labels: While my story included sexual assault
I've been reading through some of the stories posted here, and it actually gives me encouragement to know that there are other people out there like me. I have recently started seeing a theripist who has told me he thinks that I have BPD and a few other choice things. I have never actually told the complete story of what happened to me to anyone. I have told only about 4 or 5 people total about partial events of what happened, but I think it might help me to tell the whole story (what I remember of it) on here. I was 16 when I met him (this was about 5 years ago). We started dating at the end of October. Everything was great for about a week. Then on my birthday in November he decided he wanted to mark the occassion with something "special." We were in my basement watching a movie when he started trying to convinse me to take off my shirt. When I wouldn't he got mad. This is where it starts getting fuzzy. I know I struggled against him. I also know I lost that struggle. I didn't call out to anyone who was home because I was afraid of what they might think. He told me that if I told anyone he'd just deny it or tell them I said I wanted to. I was young and a virgin, I believed him and I believed they'd believe him. He siad he wouldn't do it again, he also said he'd tell everyone what a slut I was if I broke up with him. So I didn't break up with him. He kept his word about not doing it again for about three days. I don't remember where we were or what se him off but he started yelling at me and then hitting me. He got me pinned down on the ground and said he'd stop hurting me if I let him have what he needed... I am so ashamed of what happened next... I stopped fighting him. I let him have what he wanted. He told me that from then on if I didn't want him to hurt me that I would give him what he needed when needed it. He stayed true to his word for the most part. If i didn't fight, he didn't hurt me... as much. It went on like that, and I don't remember much of that time, for several months. I finally couldn't take it anymore. I hated him but I hated myself more. I told him it was over and that I didn't care what he told anyone else. He did not take it well, he hit me a few times and then left. I thought it was over. I was wrong. He and a friend of his made plans. They waited until I was alone after practice for a school sport. I was getting in extra practice not paying attention to anything else in the room, I thought I was alone. "Hey, you're getting pretty good at that," My ex called out to me. I didn't want to, but I made myself turn around. There he was with that big ugly grin on his face and next to him was his best friend. I ran. I fought. I yelled. But again I lost the fight. And no one heard me but the two people who definately weren't going to help. I never reported him. His Uncle was chief of police. Instead I went into self destruct. I dropped out of life. I drank. I partyed. I did drugs. I tried to kill myself. Anything to make me forget. But then all of you know that you never really can. The only reason I'm not dead is because of faulty thinking on my part. I met the man who is my current husband and decided that if men needed it so badly I was going to give it before it could be taken. I got preganant, the first time I miscarried. The second time I had my first daughter (Who was an answer to a prayer, what prayer? The Serenity Prayer, which is her name incidently). Who is the only reason I don't go back into self destruct mode, completely, well her and her little sister. I slip into that mode from time to time, but never when they are around, and never for more than an evening at a time.
My only question to myself is, is it still rape if you allow it to happen without a fight? Is that consent? Am I wrong to feel wronged? Was I only raped twice, or was every time rape? I never wanted him to but I didn't want to be hurt.
For those of you out there who can't remeber what happened. Please don't try to remember. Trust me, it's better not knowing. I had repressed most of these memories until I started seeing a tharapist. Now I remember more everyday. Not remembering is a blessing in disguise.
by Unreppesing and Regrettingon 18 Nov 2004
Labels: I've been reading through some of the stories posted here
Happy Marriage by the Numbers
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Happy Marriage by the Numbers
Happy Marriage by the Numbers
Pamela C. Regan, PhD
California State University
hen 4,000 couples in the UK who had been married for more than 16 years, on average, were polled on the keys to a long-lasting relationship, some interesting facts were discovered. On average, these married couples wanted four cuddles a day... romantic gestures from their partners every 10 days... unsolicited helpful gestures three times a month... and seven cozy nights in and two dinner dates out a month.
We can make our own marriages happier by incorporating these "happy marriage behaviors" into our lives. Striving to give your spouse, say, four cuddles a day might start out feeling artificial but eventually will become a rich part of the fabric of your relationship. Because kindness reaps kindness in relationships, you will encourage your spouse to reciprocate.
ROMANTIC GESTURES EVERY 10 DAYS
In a long-term relationship, we tend to think romantic gestures are no longer necessary. But surprising your spouse with flowers or a romantic dinner reminds your partner that you still are in love with him/her. If you decide to run a bath for your wife because she had a bad day, it shows that you are thinking specifically about what would please her, and that thoughtfulness is far more important than even the action itself. To be truly romantic, don’t ask your partner what he might want. Instead come up with your own idea -- something that shows great attention to your partner’s unique likes and dislikes.
4 CUDDLES A DAY
Make sure to hug or affectionately touch your partner at least four times a day. The happiest couples touch a lot. Try a slight squeeze on the shoulder at breakfast or a hug before you run off to work.
3 HELPFUL ACTIONS A MONTH
Thoughtful actions that lighten a partner’s load are perceived as tender and caring -- especially when done without anyone asking. Taking the initiative to do the dishes or make your spouse coffee in the morning shows that you are paying attention and makes your partner realize how central he/she is in your thoughts. You even can come right out and tell your partner, "I’m doing this because I love you and I want to make sure you know that."
7 COZY NIGHTS IN AND
2 DINNER DATES OUT A MONTH
Your "cozy nights in" should be different from your everyday routine -- make sure you aren’t parked in front of the television. Instead, have dinner together, talk about your week, make plans, check in about upcoming activities. Also, reserve special nights two times a month. Making the effort to dress up and go outside the family home together reinforces your "coupleness" and adds vitality to a relationsh
Labels: Happy Marriage by the Numbers
I came across this site looking for support. I rarely talk about what happened to me in great detail. I have told people before that I was raped or abused but I hardly ever tell how it happened. I started therapy recently and for the first time managed to actually speak to someone face to face about my experience and not feel terrified of what they would think of me. I am in my mid twenties right now but the abuse I suffered was as a child. I was nine years old and living with my mother. My father had died a few years before and my mother pretty much hated me. She worked various part time jobs but always managed to get fired from them. She drank and did drugs and had a habit of dragging strange men home all the time. A different guy every night, some would come back and some I never saw again. I don't really know if she had gotten money from any of them but I do know that she got her drugs and booze off many of them. One guy that she brought home though stayed for quite a while. I will call him Sid. Sid liked both men and women and it wasn't unusual for him to bring another guy or girl to the house with him. After a short time Sid ended up moving into our trailer. He was unemployed, a lush and physically abusive to both my mother and myself. It was not odd to see my mothers face bruised and bloody. She lost many teeth from the times that Sid had punched her in the face. He used to beat her in the head till she would pass out, he broke her nose once and once I came home from school to find my mothers arm in a cast. I asked her what had happened and she said Sid. Thats all she had to say. It ended up that Sid would watch me while my mother was at work. Most of the time he would sit on the couch and get drunk, other times he would get pissed for no reason and he would start to hit me, sometimes with his hands, sometimes with an object. The wooden yard stick that my mother kept behind the stove was his favorite. We had a gas stove too and he loved to threaten me by trying to force my hands over the fire till I would scream, then he would let go of me and I would run away. He lived at our house for about two months before the first time that he actually abused me sexually. I walked into the living room and he spotted me. He asked me what I was doing and I told him that I had to use the toilet so he told me to go on to the bathroom. When I was done he called me into the living room and told me to sit on the couch. I told him that I was tired and wanted to go to bed so he waved me off but I remember him watching me as I walked out of the room. I next remember hearing him walk into my bedroom. I turned to ask what he wanted but he grabbed me suddenly and forced me face first onto the bed, pinning my arms behind my back. I screamed because I thought he was going to break my arms. I was scared and I remembered thinking that a beating was coming. I remember thinking, what did I do now? I was good, why is he doing this? But I wasn't prepared for what he did next. I wanted to scream but I couldn't. The next thing that I remember is feeling him pushing against me. I screamed then because of the pain. After a while I passed out, he did what he wanted to me and when he was done he went back in the living room and popped open a beer. I woke up on the floor later, crying, my face stained with tears and a horrible pain in my back side. I went to the bath room and washed the blood and his mess off me and when I came back out he told me, without even looking at me, that if I told anyone that he would kill me and my mother both. I ran back to my room and cried myself to sleep. The next night he came again, and the night after that. It became a regular thing, I was too scared to tell anyone but one fateful night mother happened to come home early and caught him. She called the police and he was arrested but to this day she told me that it was my fault that it happened because I knew he liked men too and that I acted to sexy around him. A nine year old and I was too sexy? I don't see my mother now, and I am not sure if I can forgive her. I just wish she could have held me and told me that she was sorry.
by noonessonon 3 Nov 2005
Labels: I came across this site looking for support
Labels: Labels: I came across this site looking for support
When I started reading these I wasn't going to share anything
When I started reading these I wasn't going to share anything, because what happened to me seems so mild in comparison, but I feel like I want to anyway.
When I was 4 years old some family friends were over. My mom and another mom left, and my dad and his friend were in another room playing on the computer. My brother, who was 7 or 8, was playing with me and this other boy, "Ron", who was about 13. My brother left the room to go play with my dad and his friend on the computer, I think, leaving me alone with Ron. Everything is very hazy, seeing as this was 13 years ago (I'm 17 now), but I remember him making me pull my underwear down. Then he started to touch me, but I pulled away and told him that it tickled. So he said, "Then I'll do it softer" and I remember thinking that that would just make it tickle more. My brother kept coming in and out of the room, and I think a couple times he caught me pulling up my underwear and so knew something wrong was happening. My father never came and checked on us. If my mom was there she would have and this might have never happened. I have a lot of resentment toward my dad because of that.
My brother and I, according to my mom, were talking about it the next morning, and my mom overheard us and made us tell her what happened. Being so young, I don't remember all that happened, but my mom says that he did say he was sorry. It turned out that he had been abusing his sister, who was mute and otherwise mentally challenged, for a long time. After what happened to me, it came out about him abusing her and the abuse stopped. So, while it wasn't good that I was molested, at least it stopped the abuse of his sister. I can only imagine her pain.
A year or so later, when I was probably 5, my best friend (who was also 5) was spending the night. We were in my bed and she had me pull my underwear down. Then she started to kiss my private parts, but it was really weird and I had her stop. I moved away and have lost contact with her, but I still wonder what on earth would make a 5 year old little girl want to do that to another little girl?
I am so thankful that I've never been raped, and that the abuse was not continual. But I still know and understand those feelings that come with sexual abuse...the confusion, anger, hurt, sadness, depression...and the what if's and why’s. What if my mom had stayed? Why didn't my dad come check on me? I can only try to deal with it and move on. If you are reading this, I'm glad, because you have taken a big step in looking for help. DON'T ignore it. Seek therapy and help. It feels so much better to tell someone. And if this is happening to you now, TELL SOMEONE! I know how hard that is, but this is happening too much, especially to children. It is an epidemic. By telling someone, you may be preventing the abuse of another victim. The point is SPEAK UP. Don't be silent any longer. You deserve to have justice served.
by Rachelle on 2 May 2005
Labels: When I started reading these I wasn't going to share anything
Friday, September 25, 2009
Hello everyone. What’s up? I thought I was alone for a minute or so
Hello everyone. What’s up? I thought I was alone for a minute or so, until I have seen this site. I’m 16 years old. My past haunts me. When I was 5 years old I was molested by my uncle David for 3 years. I didn't know what was happening. I was mad at myself all the time. My mom always asked me why I had a rash but I never told. I kept a secret hidden from everyone I loved. When I turned 7 on my birthday I told my mother what happened. We went walking for a while then we went back to were I was living and she ran in grabbed her gun and chased him out the house. He told me if I ever told her or anyone else he'd kill me but some how I figure he could have just done it then because I had a horrible future to a wait me. How can young ones keep it in so long is what I used to be asked Now that I'm about to be 17, I know how they did it. They are scared and lonely and know if they told they'd get punished and someone wouldn’t believe them. I told and I put him in jail. He just got out last year. Why would someone hurt the one they love? There are too many lies out there, children are hurt and raped and abused and I don't know why because I was one of them. I have my memories and they are horrible but I get through them. I say to myself every morning when I get up that I am strong and I don't need much to get me through life. I sometimes pretend it never happened but that’s just me. That’s how I keep myself going. I have goals now. Since all of this happened I have hope and faith. I’m set for life. I just didn't have much of a childhood and I know how some of you feel, but you have to keep going. I’m glad I got to share my story, so thank you all for yours.
Love you all,
Hope and Faith,
Courtney
by Courtneyon 15 Mar 2005
Labels: Hello everyone. What’s up? I thought I was alone for a minute or so
Labels: I thought I was alone for a minute or so
What is worse than Death? Rape, molestation! Fear is how they Control! Any unwanted physical contact is rape. Molestation is the same thing but between family. I like this site a lot. My boyfriend found it and said to take a look so here I am.
My abuse started when I was just 4 or 5 years old. The son (between 6 and 8) of my baby sitter’s did it. I thought he was cute but I didn’t know what he was doing. He said it was ok. I blacked out most of it.
My father was physically abusive. To this day I still have marks on my body where he has hit me. Broken blood vessels that were left when he beat me with his hands, belts and a wire hanger. All this for not being good, fighting with my sister, reading late at night, you name it I got hit for it.
The real kicker was my biological father at the age of 12. I will never forget it whether my eyes are open or closed. Summer time I just finished middle school, hot, on the weekend about 1 in the morning. I’m total nude. I awaken by getting kissed on my back. It tickles at first, then the alarm goes off in my head and I turn over. He’s kneeling by the edge of my bed. “What daddy?” (that phrase still makes me sick to my stomach) I don’t really remember what he said until I started shaking and crying begging “please daddy…, don’t daddy…” He told me in his matter of fact “STOP, BE QUIET!” as he stood up. He took the covers off me and kept asking “do you like that?” as he touched me. Puke is not even close to what I wanted to do. He knelt at the foot of my bed and began to touch, finger, lick. All I could think of was “wake up please wake up!” Finally after what seemed forever he got up and said “did you like that?” There was movement on the stair and he quickly covered me up and went to see what it was.
To add insult to injury my mother comes in and says “Baby are you ok now is everything better?” as if that was suppose to make me feel better. (NO she didn’t know what happened, he told her I was sick and he was checking on me.) It took me a month to tell her what happened and actually she asked me after I told a friend what happened and she told her mom and her mom told my mom.
After that I was self-destructive. I slept around with different men. I put my self in situations that got me in more trouble and yes more abuse. I hung with the wrong people. Got in trouble.
My mom finally told me something that I will never forget. “Damn it! You can be a victim all your life or you can be a survivor… which do you want to be?” and that is what I ask all of you hear which do you want to be? Choose a victim or a survivor.
I choose to survive. I am proud of that and proud of all who have left their stories as well as those that visit. It is all a form of help. Death is not an option and neither is being a victim.
Yes I have awakened it the middle of the night screaming in a cold sweat there again. I have no doubt that it will happen again. No I don’t trust people as far as my finger. And the person who created the statement “That’s Life” needs to be shot. Because, RAPE and MOLESTATION should not be a part of life. But I am a SURVIVOR.
by Maiyshaon 12 Jan 2005
Labels: What is worse than Death
This boy named Jorge started flirting with me when we got in the same class the 1st semester of my junior year in high school. He’d hit me in the hallways and hold my waist to move me aside in the line. He’s the clown of the class and he did this with a lot of girls in school. I thought nothing of it! I even *liked* getting a guy's attention. I’ve never even had a real boyfriend. But long story short, on a Monday last December (2004), there was an early release day due to Parent/Teacher conference and I had to walk a mile to my house. While I was walking, Jorge pulled up in his truck and asked if I wanted a ride to where I was going. I accepted because mostly I was freezing cold. While I was in his truck he offered me a blunt (weed) and I took a few puffs off it. Then I think that's when he put his hand on my thigh and I pushed it away 'cause it was just weird and he's not my type. So we got to my house. I live in the basement so I went in that way. A few minutes later when I got my coat off and stuff, Jorge knocked on the basement door, he asked for his lighter. I accidentally kept it in my pocket when we were smoking. I turned my back for one second to get it and I was rushed to my floor. I started fighting him. I know I’m not strong but I *can* fight. He wasn't holding back neither, he got me good in my stomach and face. I was on my back so I couldn't get him like I wanted. I remember he told me "be cool, bit*h, be cool" among other things. I hate myself because I couldn't hold out longer. If only I could have! I knew what was about to happen. How stupid could I be to let it?! Jorge told me to close my eyes and don't look at him. I did, I turned my head and stared at the legs of my couch. After he violated me and robbed me of my virginity, I told him to get the out and if he spoke of this to anyone I’d go to the police. I didn't want anyone to find out about this! Although I know my rights and I know I should have told someone I was afraid to be labeled a sl*t. Something I didn’t want to be looked at as. I know I’m wrong for that now and my views have changed. I was molested before all this by a man who I was suppose to trust... this is the first time I’m even trying to recount the events of that afternoon. And I don't want to EVER think of it again. I just want to get on with my life.
Labels: This boy named Jorge
Well, as you can imagine, it's very difficult to come out to such a wide group of people, but I feel a strange kind of comfort knowing that everyone here will understand. I lost my virginity at 15 when my boyfriend raped me. We had been dating for a month and it started out innocently enough. After a few days, he subtly started wearing down my self esteem by manipulating me and trying to coerce me into having sex with him, but I remained firm that my virginity was not his to take, it was mine to give. He told me that I was stupid not to do what he said, that I was nothing to anyone but him and even then I wasn't much more than the s**t on his shoe. So this continued and one day when he had convinced me to leave school with him and go to my house, he trapped me in my room, pinned me down, and raped me. Every time I protested he would jab me with a pen until I laid still. He had an erection problem and blamed it on me, so any time he couldn't stay stimulated he forced my mouth onto him. If I vomited, he would shove it back in my face and leave me to clean up. Then it would start again. This continued for another 2 months and progressively got worse. By the time he dumped me, I was nothing but a puddle compared to my original self. I like to explain this way, in the beginning I was a perfectly built pyramid. In that relationship he took me apart brick by brick until there was nothing but rubble left. I know I'll never be put together correctly, but I can try. When that relationship ended (and he had a new girlfriend by the end of the day) I didn't know what to do. By that time I felt I was dependent on him and without him I was nothing. I had a friend, Zach, who came and saved me. He took me to Planned Parenthood for a check up and proper medical care. (There were some cuts and bruises that my previous boyfriend wouldn't let heal) Soon, though, he started to take advantage of my weakness and he started to rape me in his own way. Not as physically abusive as before, but he used me and prayed on my vulnerability. He used me for another two months and dumped me out of the blue one day. I believed that I loved him and that he loved me so this came as a big shock to me. It was a very hard and lonely 2 years before I felt I was going to end everything once and for all. I was in a mindless sexual relationship where we didn't care for each other but I felt I needed to pleasure someone because that was all I was good for. Eventually I became so sour, depressed and dark that I almost did kill myself. I stayed for my dad who had recently been diagnosed as manic depressive and I didn't want him to suffer if I was gone. One day I was on the internet and by some remote chance I met a nice man, a REAL nice man. I won't get into it too much, but he proved himself to me by moving 1700 miles and away from his family to be with me. That was almost 3 years ago and I am now married with a one-year-old son. In most aspects of life I am happy, but even now I have horrible nightmares, flashbacks and memories that haunt me almost every day. It sometimes makes our intimate moments awkward and painful and I flash back to my sexual experiences from before. I wish I could put all of this behind me and I have made it farther than I ever thought I could, but the deepest and most disturbing parts of my experiences seem to be hardwired into my mind. They can be triggered at any time and for any reason. I'm hoping that someday I will be able to find a way to vent the remainder of my past and let it be just that, the past.
Labels: as you can imagine, Well
While my story included sexual assault, it began with physical. My dad was physically and emotionally abusive for as long as I remember. He was the worst to my older brother. There were 4 years between us, and a sister in the middle. It all began with my dad. Without knowing it, he was conditioning me from the time I was born to accept, even expect abuse. He was the one that taught me to equate pain with love, to accept that people who love you often will hurt you. Because of him I formulated my survival technique. Never show weakness, never say mercy, never cry. Very early in my life I found myself locked in a battle of will with my father. Proving to him I was stronger than him, because I never gave in, never let him have the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. Over and over in my head saying to him, spiteful and almost laughing, 'you think this hurts me? You honestly think you can hurt me?!?' He was the one who taught me that it wasn't discussed, and my mom helped too. Every time that she looked away or left the room while he was beating us. Of course he told us that it was because he loved us. Of course he told us that this is what God expected of us.
And of course I forgave him, without him even asking. I've never been mad at him for this, held him accountable for just how much he damaged me, and paved the way for further trauma.
I was 9 when my older brother began raping me. He was never violent, always gentle, but he would never listen to me, never let me go when I said stop, always just holding me down. He bribed me with money, gifts, and protection from my father. There were many times when he got between me and father, took beatings for me. He stopped when I was around 12.
I began drinking, smoking, self-mutilating. Anyone who felt like sleeping with me got to. I never said no. I was too afraid to. So I just let them, hating it all the while, playing mad mind games and disassociation games to keep myself from freaking out. I spent all of my teen years consumed with hate and anger, mostly self-directed. For being so fuc*ing week all the time.
From 15 to 19 I had a boyfriend Travis. Just after a month into out relationship I was gang raped at a party Travis wasn't with me at. More men were there than I bothered to count. Sometimes now I wish I would've, just so that I would know. Sometimes I know that it was right not to. It went on for hours. We were outside, it was April there was still snow on the ground and real cold out. They were extremely violent; they beat me up a lot. Two or three of them would be on me at once, they raped me vaginally, orally, and anally. They cut me several times with a knife they had. They penetrated me with whatever was handy, sticks, flashlights, whatever. They laughed a lot. I can still hear the sound of myself screaming that night in the woods. Years down the road, at 19, I found out that hell was an act of retaliation, not intended to punish me but to punish Travis. At the time of the rape I knew that to some degree, but couldn't figure out how or why. I didn't tell him what happened. I was afraid of how he would react, what he would do to them, and how it would affect our relationship. So I told him what the rumor after the party was, that I had hooked up with a guy at this party, that I had cheated on him. He forgave me but punished me for it. Calling me a whore, refusing to touch me and calling me diseased. I tolerated this for two years and finally broke down and told him the truth, about that night and the shit from when I was little. During the two years after the rape, we never had sex, though we had been sexually active prior. After the rape I stopped drinking and therefore became completely frigid. Travis would try to touch me and I would shake so violently that he couldn't even get a good hold on me. After I opened up to him we began to work on repairing me sexually. Progress was slow, so somehow, I really don't remember how, we decided that he would just do it. Even if I was upset or crying or fighting him, he should just keep fucking me. So he did that, and while was he was he would whisper in my ear that he loved me, that I didn't need to be afraid, this was because he loved me. Somehow this actually worked, at times I did have really good sex with him.
When I found out not only that he was the cause of the rape, but that he had assumed all along the truth and still gave me shit for two years over me "cheating" on him. And that he himself was a rapist, I had to break up with. I felt so betrayed. I thought back on the "sex therapy" we'd had and realized that it wasn't for me, he didn't care about me. In all likelihood it was what he wanted, he was turned on. I thought he was trying to help me, to heal me, but it was for him, for his pleasure.
My next boyfriend was bad from the start. We were heavy into drugs together, we had lots of threesome and group sex. Always me and men, never other women, usually mock rape, always degrading and demeaning, but whatever. Soon I was sleeping with men for drugs, unable to afford as much as I wanted to ingest. Kevin snapped the camels back one night when we were in a fight, about some guy that he wanted to see fu*k me that I didn't want to fu*k. This arguement was going all night, towards dawn I headed to bed, leaving Kevin with a bunch of his friends, still partying. A while after I fell asleep I woke up to the door opening. Kevin and his friend, and Kevin held me down so that this other dude could do it.
I saw Kevin only once after that. I entered rehab but was only sober for about two months. Last October I was raped by a man I met at the bar. I was leaving with him to go get high. I knew it was stupid, and knew I was putting myself in a bad situation, but I did it anyway. It probably was the easiest of all the rapes to deal with. It was the shortest in duration, it was only one person, he was stranger, not someone I'd have to see again, and compared to all I've been thru seems so minor.
Obviously, I am unable to talk about this. My parents found out about the childhood abuse, and gang rape at 15 when I was 16. We had exactly two conversations about it. They asked me if I was alright, if I felt I needed therapy. They believed me when I said it was fine, that I was fine, that I didn't need help. I am pretty estranged from them at this point.
So I am stuck in this cycle. So angry, addicted to drugs and alcohol, and sex. I can't have normal loving sex with my boyfriend. I finally have one that is a decent person, who I know could never hurt me like these other men did. He's the first man I've been able to say "No" to. But I make him hurt me in bed. I can't get off unless I am in pain, so I make him hit me, choke me, slap me around. And I am so mean to him but can't help it. I have to remind myself constantly that he is not all those other men. Force myself to look at him with kind eyes and not the stone cold defensive look I usually reserve for men.
He knows there are things wrong with me, knows that I have "issues", but I refuse to even name the traumas to him, tho I know he connected a dew dots on his own. I still self mutilate. I have nightmares, hallucinations, panic attacks. I forget to eat and take care of myself, so I am beginning to have quite a few physical problems.
For over a decade now, this had been my life. Rape has been my life. And I hate the hard and cold and bitter person it has made me. I hate the way any morals I had were thrown out the window while I tried to run from myself and my past. I hate that I walk around saying, 'better living thru denial', honestly believing it. I hate knowing that it will always be this way. There is no answer, no solution, no light. I've turned myself into this thing, so mute and weak; I can never get back to what I was. When I reflect on the years all I see is more pieces of me that were lost, that died. One by one I can see the where the pieces fell.
I know what lead to what, I know why Seth hurt me and why I felt the need to let so many other people hurt me. I know the role my dad and mom playing in contributing to this paralysis. I understand completely the cause and effect, where the dominos started to fall. But it doesn't help. It doesn't change anything. And I can't.
I read stories of people and how they've made the move from victim to survivor. That their liberation came when they realized it wasn't their fault. Newsflash, every one of us are victims, and will be as long as we are alive. You can't refuse to be a victim. You were made into one. And that is a status all of us will have for the duration of out lives. Strictly based on definition.
As far as placing blame, my true enslavement began when I realized that it wasn't my fault. That's how weak we are and that's how strong they are. No amount of willpower will ever best muscles or guns at the moments when it really matters. When it comes down to it, "they" can fu*k you whenever they want to. That's how small we are. And it's not our fault, it's the way it is. And that's where my real frustration comes in. For the rest of my life I know that if a man gets a notion in his head that he wants to fu*k me, he will, and that's that. Regardless of whether or not I decide to say no. I am only safe as long as a man allows me to be. I'm only safe until they decide they want to hurt me.
I am 22 years old. And all this doesn't come close to completing my stories.
by Angel Longsleeveson 16 Aug 2004
Labels: it began with physical, While my story included sexual assault
I've been depressed since I was 12. I've been put on medication for it but the pills never really worked. I always felt like I was alone and inferior. I caught myself looking at older men, not necessarily in a sexual way, but as father figures, someone to confide in and to comfort me when times got rough. About a week ago I met a man who filled that "void" in me, who made me feel like I was worth something.
He is 25 and I am only 15, but he didn't seem to mind. In fact, he moved so fast it made my head spin. Being a virgin, I knew I wasn't ready for sex, but when he took me to his house and layed me on the couch, it was the hardest thing to say "No!". He was sweet about it, suprisingly enough. I did say no and I struggled to get out from under him, but he held me there and kept telling me how beautiful I was and how much he wanted me. He attempted to take off my clothes but when I fought him, he stopped. Instead, he took his off and proceeded rape me.
The next thing I knew, I was crying in the bathroom with blood all over my clothes. But no one found out. I kept it hush hush with the exception of his wife (very soon to be ex-wife). They hadn't been with each other for about a year and both had found other romantic partners. Still, she wanted to talk to me, to warn me about him...but it was too late. I came to find out that he has 5 warrants out for his arrest and had a very sexual past being a male pornography star, male stripper, and male prostitute. Along with this, he has three little girls at home.
I just want to let everyone who reads this to know that no matter how charming or sweet he is, he will hurt you. I've never been in a relationship with a man who didn't..whether it was physical, mental, or sexual. Trust no one. Someone's always looking to use you.
by Laurenon 11 Apr 2004
Labels: I've been depressed since I was 12
I am a sexual abuse survivor. I was abused by my stepfather from age 5 to age 16 telling no one during those years. I told my mom at 16 she did believe me but, didn't kick him out. She took me to a psychologist and the doctor was required by law to turn the case over to authorities. So when the police and children services showed up mom made up a lie, which said I was lying about being sexually abused, and the authorities believed us. I moved to Ohio 7 months later and started to live this "normal" life. I married a wonderful man at 22 yrs old. One year after I was having an affair and fell madly in love. It lasted 4 yrs then ended. I started having another affair with an abusive man who strangled me, hit me, stalked me, and threatened my life. I became pregnant, by my husband at 27 and finally got rid of that man. I ran back into my first affair man in 1996, divoced my husband, re-married, have two boys by him, and went into major depression. Couldn't undertand why. In 2002 I finally faced what had happened to me and revealed "details" to my husband for the first time. I finally broke my silence. I July of 03 I started a non-profit organization, filed charges against my stepfather in Pasco Co. Florida and witing the government since from age 10 to 13 I was raped on an AirForce base. I discovered he also sexually abused his daughters from his first marriage and raped my little sister when she was 14 yrs old. I lied at 16 to protect my little sister but, he got to her anyway. I am in the process of filing a civil suit against him also. I wrote a book called "Sick of the Silence" in which I have had printed. My website address is www.Angels2StopSexAbuse.com if anyone wants to purchase it. I have started doing motivatioal speakings about my abuse, mistakes, depression, start to healing, and how I get stronger everyday. My mission is to stop sexual abuse and my realization is because of one little word is why sexual abuse continues which is "silence". By staying silent I was protecting my abuser and no one else. My vision is to protect my future family generations so they don't go through what I have been through. I use my voice and I am not ashamed or embarassed of what was forced onto me for 12 yrs. Every survivor is an angel and angels protect others. I am trying to reach as many survivors as possible to share my life so hopefully they seek the knowlegde to become strong enough to use their voice and help with this crime that is out of control in our society. Society has to change the pattern they have been using for thousands of years and it will take the 60+ million survivors out there to do it. To every survivor....You are an angel and you survived the hard part. It is all uphill from here!!!!! God Bless every one of you.....
Jenny Peters
by Jenny Peters//A sexual abuse overcomeron 11 Aug 2004
Labels: I am a sexual abuse survivor
I am a sexual abuse survivor. I was abused by my stepfather from age 5 to age 16 telling no one during those years. I told my mom at 16 she did believe me but, didn't kick him out. She took me to a psychologist and the doctor was required by law to turn the case over to authorities. So when the police and children services showed up mom made up a lie, which said I was lying about being sexually abused, and the authorities believed us. I moved to Ohio 7 months later and started to live this "normal" life. I married a wonderful man at 22 yrs old. One year after I was having an affair and fell madly in love. It lasted 4 yrs then ended. I started having another affair with an abusive man who strangled me, hit me, stalked me, and threatened my life. I became pregnant, by my husband at 27 and finally got rid of that man. I ran back into my first affair man in 1996, divoced my husband, re-married, have two boys by him, and went into major depression. Couldn't undertand why. In 2002 I finally faced what had happened to me and revealed "details" to my husband for the first time. I finally broke my silence. I July of 03 I started a non-profit organization, filed charges against my stepfather in Pasco Co. Florida and witing the government since from age 10 to 13 I was raped on an AirForce base. I discovered he also sexually abused his daughters from his first marriage and raped my little sister when she was 14 yrs old. I lied at 16 to protect my little sister but, he got to her anyway. I am in the process of filing a civil suit against him also. I wrote a book called "Sick of the Silence" in which I have had printed. My website address is www.Angels2StopSexAbuse.com if anyone wants to purchase it. I have started doing motivatioal speakings about my abuse, mistakes, depression, start to healing, and how I get stronger everyday. My mission is to stop sexual abuse and my realization is because of one little word is why sexual abuse continues which is "silence". By staying silent I was protecting my abuser and no one else. My vision is to protect my future family generations so they don't go through what I have been through. I use my voice and I am not ashamed or embarassed of what was forced onto me for 12 yrs. Every survivor is an angel and angels protect others. I am trying to reach as many survivors as possible to share my life so hopefully they seek the knowlegde to become strong enough to use their voice and help with this crime that is out of control in our society. Society has to change the pattern they have been using for thousands of years and it will take the 60+ million survivors out there to do it. To every survivor....You are an angel and you survived the hard part. It is all uphill from here!!!!! God Bless every one of you.....
Jenny Peters
by Jenny Peters//A sexual abuse overcomeron 11 Aug 2004
Labels: I am a sexual abuse survivor
Hello to all, this is Applebottoms02. I was raped on August 31, 2003 in my home by a male acquaintance, we were supposed to have a lunch together but things didn't turn out that way. Yes after he had raped me I did report it to the police and yes I did go to the hospital to get a exam, since after the rape, there were two charges on him, rape and abduction, in March 12, 2004 there was a preliminary hearing, after the hearing he was released on a $1, 000 bond, the total bond was $10,000, the grand jury was in April of 2004, after all that he decided to take a plea bargin, which was that instead of being charged with rape, plea guilty to sexual battery, 12 months jail time suspended for 5 years, no jail, no fine , no nothing, so yes he did get away with the crime he did to me. Yes It has been 10 months since the rape, I have a lot of angry towards him and toward my lawyer but I guess there is nothing else that I can to expect to try to move on with my life, moving is not as easy as people think it is though, I was in counseling but I had just stop going, I am thinking about going back to pick the piece so I am able to try to move on to the best of my ability, but I will never, ever, never forgive or forget of what that bastard has done to me so now I have to live the rest of my life with the aftermath of the case and not him, thank you all for listening to my story, if you like you can email me if you want to.
by Ieshaon 21 Jul 2004
Labels: I was raped on August 31
Ok. I've never written any of this down before...so please bare with me.
It first started when I was about 5 years old, by a friend of the family who would often babysit me. He would touch me and put his hands all over me, and put his fingers inside me. I was so confused, I didn't know what was happening. He would make me take off my clothes and stuff, and it was just horrible. The first time he actually raped me, I was 7 years old. I was so scared. It hurt so much...I can't describe it. I just tried to forget what was happening. He was at my house alot, and stayed there alot...so at night, he would come into my room. I always have flashbacks, and I can never forget the image of him on top of me, holding me down, hurting me, laughing at me. I get so mad at myself now...because I realise that alot of the time, I could have just screamed or something and someone probably would have heard me and come to see what was wrong...but I never did that.
Last year, I was at my uncles house, my my cousins boyfriend raped me there. They thankfully have broken up.
Ever since I can remember, my father has been abusive to me, and my mom is very unhappy with their marriage. I hate it here. I'm only fourteen though, so I don't really have any where else to go.
I self-injure, and have attempted suicide...so I've spent a few months in a psych horpital place, and I have to go to alot of counseling. I recently started telling them about the abuse from the friend of the family, so...yeah. But I can't help feeling guilty and ashamed, because no matter what anyone says...it's really my fault, because I could have stopped it so easily many many times if I just screamed...but instead, I let myself go through that for nine years, and I hate myself for it so much.
by maryon 5 Sep 2004
Labels: Ok. I've never written any of this down before...so please bare with me
Ok. I've never written any of this down before...so please bare with me.
It first started when I was about 5 years old, by a friend of the family who would often babysit me. He would touch me and put his hands all over me, and put his fingers inside me. I was so confused, I didn't know what was happening. He would make me take off my clothes and stuff, and it was just horrible. The first time he actually raped me, I was 7 years old. I was so scared. It hurt so much...I can't describe it. I just tried to forget what was happening. He was at my house alot, and stayed there alot...so at night, he would come into my room. I always have flashbacks, and I can never forget the image of him on top of me, holding me down, hurting me, laughing at me. I get so mad at myself now...because I realise that alot of the time, I could have just screamed or something and someone probably would have heard me and come to see what was wrong...but I never did that.
Last year, I was at my uncles house, my my cousins boyfriend raped me there. They thankfully have broken up.
Ever since I can remember, my father has been abusive to me, and my mom is very unhappy with their marriage. I hate it here. I'm only fourteen though, so I don't really have any where else to go.
I self-injure, and have attempted suicide...so I've spent a few months in a psych horpital place, and I have to go to alot of counseling. I recently started telling them about the abuse from the friend of the family, so...yeah. But I can't help feeling guilty and ashamed, because no matter what anyone says...it's really my fault, because I could have stopped it so easily many many times if I just screamed...but instead, I let myself go through that for nine years, and I hate myself for it so much.
by maryon 5 Sep 2004
Labels: Ok. I've never written any of this down before...so please bare with me
Happy Marriage by the Numbers
Happy Marriage by the Numbers
Pamela C. Regan, PhD
California State University
hen 4,000 couples in the UK who had been married for more than 16 years, on average, were polled on the keys to a long-lasting relationship, some interesting facts were discovered. On average, these married couples wanted four cuddles a day... romantic gestures from their partners every 10 days... unsolicited helpful gestures three times a month... and seven cozy nights in and two dinner dates out a month.
We can make our own marriages happier by incorporating these "happy marriage behaviors" into our lives. Striving to give your spouse, say, four cuddles a day might start out feeling artificial but eventually will become a rich part of the fabric of your relationship. Because kindness reaps kindness in relationships, you will encourage your spouse to reciprocate.
ROMANTIC GESTURES EVERY 10 DAYS
In a long-term relationship, we tend to think romantic gestures are no longer necessary. But surprising your spouse with flowers or a romantic dinner reminds your partner that you still are in love with him/her. If you decide to run a bath for your wife because she had a bad day, it shows that you are thinking specifically about what would please her, and that thoughtfulness is far more important than even the action itself. To be truly romantic, don’t ask your partner what he might want. Instead come up with your own idea -- something that shows great attention to your partner’s unique likes and dislikes.
4 CUDDLES A DAY
Make sure to hug or affectionately touch your partner at least four times a day. The happiest couples touch a lot. Try a slight squeeze on the shoulder at breakfast or a hug before you run off to work.
3 HELPFUL ACTIONS A MONTH
Thoughtful actions that lighten a partner’s load are perceived as tender and caring -- especially when done without anyone asking. Taking the initiative to do the dishes or make your spouse coffee in the morning shows that you are paying attention and makes your partner realize how central he/she is in your thoughts. You even can come right out and tell your partner, "I’m doing this because I love you and I want to make sure you know that."
7 COZY NIGHTS IN AND
2 DINNER DATES OUT A MONTH
Your "cozy nights in" should be different from your everyday routine -- make sure you aren’t parked in front of the television. Instead, have dinner together, talk about your week, make plans, check in about upcoming activities. Also, reserve special nights two times a month. Making the effort to dress up and go outside the family home together reinforces your "coupleness" and adds vitality to a relationship.
Labels: Happy Marriage by the Numbers
When I was very young I recall my father’s friend sexually molesting me. I must have been maybe 3 and the image is burned in my mind. I tried to tell my mom my memories my whole childhood, and remember how she ignored it, ignored me. My parents were so unhealthy already. I had a brother and a sister who I became a "mother" to because my mother was too abused to love us unconditionally. There where always conditions, even in her most loving moments. At 9/10 I was sexually molested again by one of my father’s friends, I believe he knew it was happening. This "relationship" went on for years. Every time this man came over he would end up in my bedroom at some point to touch me in my sleep. I always woke up to him there, touching me and never caring. This man was very good friends with molester #1 and I believe they talked about it. My first molester was such a good friend of my dads, I had to call him uncle, and he would give me money and actually built a relationship with me. At 11/12 another of my dad's friends molested me again. By now I knew to go ridged and be somewhere else. I really had difficulties coping when my first molester moved in, after I was molested so much! He was younger than my father, only 10yrs older that me. I escaped this by creating distance and I believe this actually broke his view of our relationship or he had compassion for me because of my father and all the abuse I endured just from him, let alone, him and his friend. When he moved out, molester #3 moved in, I truly believe this was planned. My father is very abusive and a psycho. Sexual molestation is actually one of the easiest part of my childhood, which breaks my very soul knowing I am so broken. I read compulsively to try and understand but I feel like all the puzzle pieces aren't there. I am dealing with my love issues. I have an excellent husband and have a functional mind now but I can't love him..... I know what love is, what my rights are, what his rights are, etc. but I can't emotionally attach myself to him, as hard as I try.
I don't understand and wonder if it is from my teen years (which are a whole different story about no self worth). Do we ever become emotionally functional people again?
by Jupider on 17 Mar 2005
Labels: When I was very young I recall my father’s friend sexually molesting me
From the age of 5, I was sexualy abused by my father. I had told my mum several times and she would ask him about it and he would deny it like always. Mum and dad ended up seperating my dad was a very controling, manipulative man so I remaned living at his house. The abuse was still an occurance but because my mum was abused as a child, she had taught me that it was wrong if someone touches you in your private spots and as I got older I realised that he didnt have the power, I DID. So one nght I went into his room while he was asleep and I got into bed with him. I was in denial that he would do anything to me but I wanted to catch him out. He started touching me, it was discusting. I got up and went in my own room the next.
I thaught this is it, am I going to let him do this to me again? NO, so I rang him he was at work and I said "you touched me last night" he was speachless. I said "I am leaving and there is nothing you can do about it" I thaught he would yell at me, he didnt. He started crying he said "no dont leave im sorry if I have hurt you" that was it for me. I couldnt take this anymore, I told my mum she was distrort she said sorry about 10 times. I dont blame her. Then my mum and I told the family they didnt belive us. That gave my mum doubt on if it was true or not. I ended up moving out of my mums and was living at a friends. He gained all the control back a couple of weeks after I got a phone call of my mum telling me she didnt belive me. I was all on my own 15 years old so I turned to drugs and alcohol untill I couldnt do it anymore so I confronted my mum told her the story again streight away she got us a house to live in the next couple of weeks. I went to the police I wanted to get him REVENGE was all I could think about I was taking him to court. Then befor the last court hearing there was a knock at the door, it was the police informing us that he had comite suiside. Everything came tumboling down, at first I was upset but after that I thought good I will never have to face him again. It was just my mum, brother and little sister... I am now 17 and I am back at school I have had a boyfriend for 2 years and I know I am going to live happily ever after......because he can't hurt me anymore
by rebecca parkeron 4 Aug 2004
Labels: From the age of 5, I was sexualy abused by my father
My life changed forever when my father took it upon himself to make me touch him to the point where he was satisfied. I was 3 1/2 - 4 years old, I wasn't at school yet so I must have been around that age. My mum casually asked me when she came home from work "What did you get up to today?" I told her that I played with daddy's willy - she confronted him with this but he was a brilliant compulsive liar and made some story up. My mother always feared for my safety especially as my body matured, though she failed to take me out of that environment. I always kept what happened in the back of my mind-but since I didn't know that what had occurred was wrong I didn't tell anyone else. At 11years of age I became depressed and compulsively washed my hands. Then the truth came out - I told my mum everything in detail. My brother refused to believe me even though he knew my dad had talked to his girlfriend inappropriately about sex and touched her bottom - guess he was and is in denial. My mother went into denial also but did recall the day I told her about it. My father for years up until I was eleven use to make me sleep with him.
I have survived all of this without counselors and the rest. I am extremely strong and even though I dated people who were addicted to something (like my dad - who I couldn't help)I have now met a person who is normal and loving and treats me with immense respect. I have succeeded in my studies and I'm on my way to becoming a solicitor - as I do feel strongly about justice since I received very little of it! I have lost a family, I have no good memories of my father, but till this day I can still make his Jim Beam and coke to his taste....thanks for the memories.I don't feel anger or hatred towards him, to me he has been dead for many years. Maybe thats my coping mechanism? My brother believes that I will regret not making things up with him before he dies, how can I possibly? He has never said sorry because to do so would entail recognition of what he has done.
I have made on my own but I crave the family I never had and wait in excitement for my future where I can create my own family, and that will be the greatest happiness for me.
by Ashon 8 Dec 2005
Labels: My life changed forever when my father took it upon himself
My life changed forever when my father took it upon himself to make me touch him to the point where he was satisfied. I was 3 1/2 - 4 years old, I wasn't at school yet so I must have been around that age. My mum casually asked me when she came home from work "What did you get up to today?" I told her that I played with daddy's willy - she confronted him with this but he was a brilliant compulsive liar and made some story up. My mother always feared for my safety especially as my body matured, though she failed to take me out of that environment. I always kept what happened in the back of my mind-but since I didn't know that what had occurred was wrong I didn't tell anyone else. At 11years of age I became depressed and compulsively washed my hands. Then the truth came out - I told my mum everything in detail. My brother refused to believe me even though he knew my dad had talked to his girlfriend inappropriately about sex and touched her bottom - guess he was and is in denial. My mother went into denial also but did recall the day I told her about it. My father for years up until I was eleven use to make me sleep with him.
I have survived all of this without counselors and the rest. I am extremely strong and even though I dated people who were addicted to something (like my dad - who I couldn't help)I have now met a person who is normal and loving and treats me with immense respect. I have succeeded in my studies and I'm on my way to becoming a solicitor - as I do feel strongly about justice since I received very little of it! I have lost a family, I have no good memories of my father, but till this day I can still make his Jim Beam and coke to his taste....thanks for the memories.I don't feel anger or hatred towards him, to me he has been dead for many years. Maybe thats my coping mechanism? My brother believes that I will regret not making things up with him before he dies, how can I possibly? He has never said sorry because to do so would entail recognition of what he has done.
I have made on my own but I crave the family I never had and wait in excitement for my future where I can create my own family, and that will be the greatest happiness for me.
by Ashon 8 Dec 2005
Labels: My life changed forever when my father took it upon himself
I was raped 2 weeks ago. I thought it was my fault in a way I still think it is! I am 15 years old. I had been sexually active twice before that same week(long long story) well I was friends with this guy named Jonathan and he was 17. All my friends are older then me pretty much, always have been, dont know why. But anyways, I had gone to a party with Jonathan 3 days before this and there was this kid named "B" there. For legal reasons I cant say his name. Well B is 22. I didnt know this. Well after the party B and one of my friends were all up in each others shit so I left them be and I messed around with Jonathan. Well two days later B called me and I was going to a party and my guy friends that were took me and said "hey lets go pic him up." We went and got him and somehow we decided we didnt want to go to the party. They all went home and B didnt have a ride back to his city cuz we were in my city. So we stopped by a liqor store cuz he wanted something to drink (I dont drink) and so anyways we went to my house until he called his boy in indianapolis, to come get him. Well his boy was clubbing and wasnt gonna be there until late morning so I was like whatever, I didnt care. He was really cute and sweet and we were talkng about all this really personal shit. So I didnt care and we got along. Well he offered me a drink of strong vodka. I dont remember much after that. I know that when the cops showed up at 6 in the morning I was 3 times over the legal limit for alcohol consumption, and by then they said it should have wore off so I was deadly intoxicated earlier that night. I remember some and a litthe here and there but not much. I took off my clothes, I gave him a lap dance. I gave him oral sex and vice versa. Later he had sex with me. I dont remember any of that but I knwo it happened today. This is only 2 weeks later. I'm gettin charged for alcohol comsumption and he is being charged for a lot. To all my girls out there just be smart. I dont have that rep and I have great grades and I'm miss popular at the high school. I dont know how I let that happen. My advice to all the girls out there that are "minors" is: it may be fun to hang with people that are older than yuo but just dont drink and be smart. I didnt know what to call it either. I just found out it was rape. So girls even though you think it was "consensual" or whatever the prosecutor wont care. He is getting charged for rape and giving alcohol to minors and going away for a while. So it was my choice to drink but it is still somehow his fault too. So anyways I wanted to tell my story so if you have any questions or want advice on your problems email me!!!
~*keeley*~
by keeley on 9 Jul 2004
Labels: I was raped 2 weeks ago
It was my ex-best friends stepfather...
I am 13 going to be 14 in 6 days. It happened when I was only 12. The first anniversary has just passed. I went to my friends house like I usually do almost every weekend. I was making breakfast for the family, but there was no milk and we needed milk. I told my friend and her mom to go to the store and get some because I wanted to take a shower. I knew that her older sister was there and I trusted her alot. So I went to go take a shower but they didn't tell me that her older sister had gone with them.
I got out of the shower and went to go get dressed in my friends room. Right when I closed the door her stepfather walked in on me naked! I stared, then quickly threw on my towel. I knew something was going to happen so I asked him to get out so I could finish getting dressed. He gave me a look as if I had been bad or done something to make him angry. Then he grabbed me and started touching me!
I screamed but I then stopped because he was telling me that he would just go harder if I yelled more. He took me into his bedroom were he and my friends mother slept. I was crying so hard, I couldn't say anything. Then he had all of my clothes off and threw me into the closet. They had a huge closet with so many shoes in there. He held me down and took his pants off. Then he forced himself on me! I tried my hardest to yell or scream but I just couldn't.
I don't go to counseling, nobody even knows about this apart from any of you who read this. Most of the stories I have read, it says they were 16 or 18, but I am only 13 and it happened last year.
I get so confused sometimes, not knowing whether it was my fault or not. I mean I didn't yell or scream or even say anything. I just sat there and cried. After he raped me he told me that I was bleeding and I should go clean it up before the family gets back home. I tried to get up but I hurt everywhere. I haven't talked to a doctor or anyone else about it. I am still scared he will come back to me.
I have never and will never again go into a closet. I am scared to death when people touch me. At school everyone thinks I have the perfect life I am always so happy, but they don't know that real me. My maths teacher one time put his hand on my shoulder and I flipped out and started crying. He sent me to the counselor but I just said that he scared me.
I am 13 and I don't want to cause any trouble but I just want to know if I did something wrong, if I could have said something or gave him the impression that I wanted it because I didn't!
I used to bleed but I don't any more it stopped after like 4 weeks. I am just happy I didn't get pregnant. This man drove a motorcycle. Whenever I hear one I also flip out. He was my best friends stepfather. I knew him for so long. I thought I could trust him. But I was wrong!
by paigeon 3 Apr 2005
Labels: It was my ex-best friends stepfather...
I don't really even know why I chose to tell my story, especially since it's so confusing, but I'm going to try. Maybe someone out there can help me make sense of it all. My mom worked when I was a kid, so my sister and I stayed with a baby-sitter who also had 3 kids of her own. One of her kids was a girl a few months older than myself. She and I became friends and spent quite a bit of time together. One day, she and I were in her room with the door closed. She asked me if I knew how to French-kiss. Since she was my friend, I told her that I didn't know. She said she knew how and that she wanted to show me how. Of course, I was about 8 at the time and didn't think anything of it, but it felt kinda weird and I wasn't very comfortable with the whole thing. She told me that I had to keep it a secret. This happened more and more, and it eventually escalated to touching, fondling, and even re-enacting the lovemaking scenes in movies that she managed to get a hold of. Although I am unable to remember all that went on between the ages of 8 and 11, I do remember that most of the contact was initiated by her; on occasion, she would ask me to initiate the acts. I wouldn't want to, but she told me several times that if I didn't, she would tell my mom all about it. Finally, the family moved away, but my mom and her mom, having no clue about anything, would arrange for me to go over to their new house and spend a week. That whole week that I was with them, I was very uncomfortable because she still wanted to do all of that stuff, and I knew that it wasn't right. So I went along with it, and hoped that I didn't have to go back. Fortunately, I never went back after that. Even though I was still quite young and had never heard of molestation before, I still considered her a friend and we even talked on the phone a couple of times after a few years. I know that those experiences greatly affected my life. Where boyfriends have been concerned, intimacy of any kind has been an issue. I know that when I get married, it still may be an issue. I just want to have a normal sex life and I'm afraid that I won't now. I don't even know if I qualify as a virgin anymore, that's how confused I am. As my low point in this whole thing, a few months ago, I had phone sex with a guy I met in a chat room. I'm having problems forgiving myself, problems forgiving her, and the funny thing is, I don't know if I have anything to forgive myself for. I need some help getting through this...pray for me. Thanks for reading this.
by Stephanieeon 19 Aug 2005
Labels: I don't really even know why I chose to tell my story......
I am a 58 year old widow.
I endured sexual assault for 10 years of my life, although my situation was a little different, and even after considerable psychiatric treatment, I still have a hard time not blaming myself and feeling guilt. At the age of 27, I married a wonderful 38 year old airline pilot, who was a widower with three children. He had two daughters aged 5 and 8 and a 16 year old son who I will call Brandon. I think I was too immature for the relationship. I deeply resented my husband's kids. I was at first abusive and punished my stepchildren unfairly, often hitting them.
Brandon cornered me in the basement and told me that he would "pound me" if I ever hit his sisters again. I hit him and tried to spank him, but we got into a physical fight, which ended with him pinning me and very roughly raping me. It was painful, and the most humiliating event in my life. I didn't tell my husband, or anyone else, because I didn't want to lose my marriage or be accused of having sex with a child. On two or three other occasions when I spanked my stepdaughters, Brandon retaliated again by angrily raping me. Until then, I didn't know that there could be angry sex. Even after he forced me to correct the way I treated my husband's daughters, the rapes continued. Although I was on birth control, I became pregnant when I was 29 and I don't know if the baby is my husband's or his son's. When he knew he was alone with me, Brandon would roughly rape me. Often leaving my legs and hips bruised. It became routine and continued until my husband suddenly passed away when I was 38 and Brandon 25. At that time, I no longer had to be concerned about my husband knowing about my relationship with Brandon, so I told Brandon that the rape would need to stop. Brandon eventually apologized and we both began psychotherapy, separately and together.
Today I enjoy a good relationship with all four of my children. Although more than twenty years have passed, I will always be affected by my years of abuse, and the knowledge that I was also abusive. I am also grateful to the psychotherapists and social workers who so sensitively and sensibly helped our family.
by Brendaon 20 Jul 2005
Labels: I endured sexual assault for 10 years of my life
Not sure what I'm doing here or how I would like to express my frustration. I was raped for the first time at 18 years of age by someone I considered to be a big brother of mine. But most recently by a guy who I was extremely interested in. We worked together at a very large company, and hung out with the same group of friends. We hang out all of the time I'm not sure what happened this last time I went to visit. It started as usual he called and made plans to play video games and watch movies like any other night. I went over to his house and finally confessed what he probably already knew that I had a really big crush on him. It started out fine we had a couple of shots... played a couple of rounds of a the fighting game "Tekken." Then he kissed me and I was kind of taken back by this, but I accepted it with open arms. I thought finally someone who I had grown really fond of would reciprocate those feelings. The kiss only lasted a few seconds then I pulled back, and smiled then we continued to play. We took a few more shots and then a few friends called and said that they were gonna come over after work. We started to watch a movie, and I snuggled close to him and put my head on his chest. I looked up at him and smiles and then he kissed me again.. we started to make out, I let him touch me, and we just continued to kiss some more. Then he got up and went to the bathroom. At this time I was feeling a little tipsy because I really don't drink. Then he turned aggressive. I told him to stop and that I didn't want to have sex with him but he continued anyway. He is a much bigger guy then I am. I'm only 5'1, 130lbs and he is 6'2 about 220, so there is really no fighting him, but I did with all my might. I just could not help thinking in the back of my mind "This could not be happening to me again... I just can't live through this again. NOT AGAIN!" But it happened again. I asked him over and over to stop, and why he was doing this to me and all that he could say to me is that he wanted to show me how much he liked me.
Labels: Not sure what I'm doing here or how I would like to express my frustration.
I was raped when I was 18, 3 years ago. My best friend and I had gone to a party. There were some guys there that we knew for a long time. Still to this day, I’m confused at what really happened and why? I remember getting sick, puking in the bathroom. I was not the person with a great tolerance for alcohol. But, I do know that it happened way too fast like I was drugged. I had blacked out in the bathroom hugging the toilet. And when I awoke, I was lying down on a bed and he was taking off my shoes and pants. I had passed out again, and I didn’t wake up till the next morning when I found myself naked in the bed and him the same way. I was confused, I had asked my friend the next day what had happened. She told me that he had carried me from the bathroom and into the bedroom. She even admitted that she went to check on me and saw that he was taking advantage of me and she didn’t do anything about it. We are no longer friends because of it. I was a virgin at the time and this guy I had known for 7 years did this to me. It took me 8 days to tell anyone because I was in shock. I took him to court as my friend being the witness. Because I didn’t even know what had happened after the first hour I was at the party, he was convicted and got put in jail. That was a big healing process for me. But still this day I have issues, a lack of trust. I can’t personally get close to any of my friends, because of the betrayal I encountered from my friend at the time. I fear any sexual intimacy from any guy. I still have my up and down days and I’m still healing. It takes time.
by kelcieon 1 Jun 2005
Labels: I was raped when I was 18
Hi, this is my story, well the parts that I can remember anyhow.
At around the age of 8 my life turned black. I say that because from then till I was about 20, most of my memories involved either my brother or my uncle, being sad or being suicidal.
When I was about 8, my brother and his friends were starting to go through puberty I guess. As I was the only female that they could get access to, I became their learning tool. I was a way for them to learn about being stimulated and receiving oral sex. (If there is anything more, I can not remember it). I do remember at that time, my brother had a lot of friends though. They used to say that they would pay me to perform oral sex on them. At one stage my mum got a bit suspicious about it and asked me. I told her what was going on and she told me that it should not happen and to tell her if they did it again. I was only little, and they offered money, it wasn't a hard choice for me. I let it continue. After a number of years, we moved to another state. Away from the friends and it all ended. Or so I thought.
After only a couple of years of this, we started visiting my uncle and aunt and seeing them at a friend’s farm. At the farm, my uncle and I would go for walks. There we would find a place and he would touch me, in different places, and put his fingers inside of me. I didn't think it bothered me what he was doing because I was already damaged goods after my brother anyhow. This continued with him for many years, probably about 5.
The entire time through this and since, I have been trying to find ways to find an endless peace.
Since my husband and I met, for some reason I have been steadily going down hill. It is to the point where I have tried to kill him, just for being him. I don't mean to, it just happens. Now I have just started getting help. I have never told my family the full story, they all seem like such good friends and I don't want to tear them apart. One day maybe.
by cassy-lee on 24 Jun 2005
Labels: Hi, this is my story
When I was 15, I dated an 18 year old guy for about a month. I had to keep him secret from my family because they all liked the boy I had been dating, and wouldn't have allowed me to date someone who was 18. I also had to keep it secret from my nosey kid sister, because she would have ratted me out something fierce. I realized about 2 weeks in that I was scared of him, and that he wanted to possess me. The acutal thought was that he wanted to own me, and I was scared and (somewhat) flattered at the same time. I realized I couldn't be with him when I was hanging out at his house and he gave me a drink (spiked) and I woke up on his floor naked with him buckling his belt. At the time I thought I had got drunk and asked for it, but I broke up with him because I was mad he did that while I was "drunk". He started calling every day and every night, and driving by my house. He would sit outside my school and come into my work a dozen times a night. If it wasn't him, he had his friends keeping tabs on me. Adam was nothing if not determined. One night while I was babysitting he broke into their house and raped me while the baby cried in his crib. To this day, I don't remember much about the rape, only that I felt bad for the baby because he was crying and I wasn't there.
Later that week, my younger sister came home and told me she had met an "older guy" who was "totally into her and not me". I was happy for her because normally her 14 year old boyfriends trailed around me, and at that point, I wasn't liking guys too much. It turns out that it was Adam, although he called himself A.J. to her. He called me and told me we were getting back together or she would get some of what I had had while babysitting. I tried to tell my parents but they thought I had an overactive imagination - he comes from a good, solid, police family. There was no help from my parents.
I got back together with him, and if I wouldn't consent to sex he would beat me on the back, legs, thighs, anywhere where it wasn't visible. Most times he would beat me and then rape me anyhow. I finally showed my parents the bruises after he had broken 4 of my ribs. They "conferenced" with his dad, and it was agreed he would get help.
He didn't.
Months later my parents and sister went on a 2-week vacation, but I was left at home because I had school and a job. It was agreed that my friend Sean would stay over the whole time because I couldn't sleep without someone in the house. I felt terrorized even though nothing had happened in months. Sean's girlfriend was mad (it was their year anniversary) so I told him I'd be ok, to just leave me to sleep. He did, and Adam and friends broke in. They killed my dog and left me for dead after raping me all night. When Sean came in the morning, he found my dog decapitated, his head in bed with me. I had 7 broken ribs, a ruptured spleen, punctured lungs, a severely bruised larynx, and "massive" trauma to my sex. I was in the hospital for a month.
It eventually went to court, thanks to forensic details four of the friends were convicted. They had nothing but my word that Adam was in my house, and his friends wouldn't squeal.
I am now 29 years old, STILL sleep with a light on, and am still dealing with court issues because Adam's father knows how to play the system. He is responsible for the fact I will never have children, and has stolen everything from me but HOPE. I can only hope that one day I see justice and he is convicted of the ongoing sexual assaults. I have spent almost as much of my life fighting him than I have without him. He is currently awaiting sentencing for multiple counts of criminal harassment and sexual assault, which means he is being held in jail and can't bother me. There is a light, no matter how small... sometimes we just need to look for it.
by Jen on 1 Nov 2004
Labels: I dated an 18 year old guy for about a month, When I was 15
I was 13 when it happened, so alone and quiet all the time I wish it never happened. Me and my brother and sister had no parents really, they were either out getting high or sleeping with every person they would see. My brother wasn’t really there for me either, he was always hanging out with his other friends or sleeping over their houses for usually two weeks leaving me and my sister alone with a friend who lived with us. I shall call him bob. My sister was 14 and I was 13 and bob said that when I turned 14 he would do the same things to me as he did to my sister. Since my sister was older he could do more THINGS to her. Now remember my brother was never there. Sometimes he would rape me 4 times a day and my sister at least 6 times. One day I was in my room playing with my dolls (it was in December 1st so it was really cold) when bob opened my door and walked over to me. I ran into a corner and crawled into a little ball. He took my dolls and broke the heads off of all of them and pushed them under the bed. He came over to me and picked me up while I was screaming "no please stop it, don’t make me do this again!" he threw me on the bed then ran over to lock the door so my sister wouldn’t come in and stop him. He then ran back over to the bed and spread my legs apart with his feet and pinned my arms down saying "now come on baby I know you want this, don’t even try to fight it" he was then laughing while penetrating me but when he looked in my eyes I turned away and he would say "look me in my eyes and say you love me" while I was saying that I loved him I was crying and my sister finally heard it but when she tried to get into the door she couldn’t so she started screaming "bob please don’t do it, let her go! Take me instead not her!" she was banging on the door. When he was done he kissed my forehead and opened the door where my sister was on her knees crying. When he left I sat up my hair messed up and I smelled like sex. She hugged me and we both fell asleep. When I woke up I was wakened by a loud screaming, that’s when I jumped up and went to my sisters door but when I tried to get in it was locked. You guessed it, bob was doing the same thing to her. I could hear him saying "next time me and your sister are doing something keep your ass out of my business ok?" and I heard my sister saying "you cant do that to her its torture!" he then said "torture I’ll show you torture" and the next thing I know she was screaming and he was grunting that’s when I screamed "stop it bob your hurting her stop it!" I heard something hit the floor hard and then the door opened. Bob was standing in front of me face to face and I saw my sister on the floor crying. He grabbed my arm and said "come on you crybaby bitch" and we went in my room and closed and locked the door. He slammed me into the wall and threw me on the floor and I crawled to the bed. he picked me up and threw me on the bed and stared ripping my clothes apart saying "I knew you wanted me I could feel it" I then yelled "please bob not on my birthday" he paused and said "that’s right it is your birthday aint it? Well I got your present right here" and he spread my legs apart and penetrated me. He told me to act like I was enjoying it or he would kill me so I did what I could. I moaned, I kissed I even smiled as he twisted and turned to satisfy himself then had to lay down on my belly while he penetrated me from the back. Going harder and deeper with each twist and turn until we both cried out when he gave a big jult. He just laid on top of me smelling the shampoo in my hair saying "happy birthday Sarah”. He pulled out of me and got up and left the house.
That is all I can remember of the rape on my birthday bob was 17 I was 14 (because my birthday was that day) and my sister was 14. Now as I said before my dear sweet loving brother was never there to help me or my sister cope with the brutal rape by bob that happened until I was 18. I am now 20 years old. my sister was pregnant with his child but lost it due to brutal beatings.
by sarah on 11 Sep 2004
Labels: I was 13 when it happened
