Common Mistakes in New Relationships
The first year of a romantic relationship carries a lot of power. By the end of that year, the tenor of your relationship is established, as is your quality as a partner. She'll pretty much know if you're lazy, a pushover or uncaring in the long run. That's why in the first year, it's important to watch your behavior around her. Don't set her expectations too high, and don't try to fit her mold of the perfect boyfriend. This applies to the entire year, be it in the first, third or 10th month. Here are the 10 biggest mistakes men make in that most critical year.
10. You shower her with gifts
Many men equate spending money on a woman with making her like him more. Buying her many, often expensive, presents or getting her something for every occasion, no matter how trivial, is a deadly mistake. It suggests a man has little to offer other than what's in his checking account. Worse still, the woman may begin to expect gifts from him all the time. Close your wallet and give her something priceless: yourself. Furthermore, you shouldn't always pay on dates. It's the age of equality. If women expect to be paid the same as men, they should expect to pull their own weight as well. Being a gentleman is fine, but don't spoil her by footing every bill.
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The UN Secretary-General’s Study on Violence against Children was a joint initiative, directly supported by the Office of the High Commissioner on Human Rights (OHCHR), the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF), and the World Health Organization (WHO).
The Study Secretariat has now closed, however the Independent Expert will continue in 2007, and will present a progress report to the General Assembly in New York in 2007. To see the resolution, please click here. To contact him, please click here.
Update on Progress Report to 2007 UN General Assembly - A huge amount of inputs have been received from UN organizations and NGOs for the Progress Report on the Violence Study which is currently being drafted. Due to the late arrival of some inputs, the scheduled meeting of the Inter-Agency Group on Violence against Children has been cancelled, pending a revised timeline. The Progress Report must be submitted by 31 July according to the General Assembly schedule to allow for translation of the document, which will be presented to the General Assembly the week of 15 October, 2007.
Click on the links below to download the different chapters of the World Report on Violence against Children.
Download the cover of the book
Download the acknowledgements, foreword, message, and preface
Download Chapter 1, "An end to violence against children"
Download Chapter 2, "Violence against children and international human standards"
Download Chapter 3, "Violence against children in the home and family
Download Chapter 4, "Violence against children in schools and educational settings"
Download Chapter 5, "Violence against children in care and justice institutions"
Download Chapter 6, "Violence against children in places of work"
Download Chapter 7, "Violence against children in the community
Download Chapter 8, "The way forward"
Download Annex 1, and Annex 2
Click here to download in English the United Nations Secretary-General’s Study on Violence against Children which was presented to the Third Committee of the General Assembly in New York on 11 October 2006. Click below to download the Study in other languages.
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In addition to the Report of the Independent Expert to the General Assembly and the World Report on Violence against Children, child-friendly materials have been developed. Click on the links below to download the materials.
Our Right to be protected from Violence. Activities for Learning and Taking Action for Children and Young People.
United Nations Secretary-General’s Study on Violence Against Children. Adapted for Children and Young People.
Click on the links below to know more about Prof. Paulo Sérgio Pinheiro, and to see what happened at the New York launch of the United Nations Secretary-General’s Study on Violence Against Children to the Third Committee of the General Assembly, and at the launch of the World Report on Violence against Children in Geneva on November 2006.
Contact
Independent Expert Activities
New York launch of the United Nations Secretary-General’s Study on Violence against Children
Panel discussion and launch of the World Report on Violence against Children, Geneva
About the Study | Background documents | Calendar | Donors | For under 18’s | General Assembly | Inter-Agency Group on Violence Against Children | Key activities | Media Center | Meet with the Editorial Board | Newsletter | Partners | World Report on Violence against Children
What is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ?
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is the term used to describe a severe and on-going emotional reaction that results from exposure to extreme stress and / or trauma.[1] Clinically, such events involve actual or threatened death, serious physical injury, or a threat to physical and/or psychological integrity, to a degree that usual psychological defenses are incapable of coping with the impact. It is occasionally called post-traumatic stress reaction to emphasize that it is a result of traumatic experience rather than a manifestation of a pre-existing psychological condition. The presence of a PTSD response is influenced by the intensity of the experience, its duration, and the individual person involved.
It is possible for individuals to experience traumatic stress without manifesting Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, as indicated in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, and also for people to experience traumatic situations and not develop PTSD. In fact, most people who experience traumatic events will not develop PTSD. For most people, the emotional effects of traumatic events tend to subside after several months. PTSD is thought to be primarily an anxiety disorder (possibly closely related to panic disorder[citation needed]) and should not be confused with normal grief and adjustment after traumatic events.
PTSD may be triggered by an external factor or factors. Its symptoms can include the following: nightmares, flashbacks, emotional detachment or numbing of feelings (emotional self-mortification or dissociation), insomnia, avoidance of reminders and extreme distress when exposed to the reminders ("triggers"), loss of appetite, irritability, hypervigilance, memory loss (may appear as difficulty paying attention), excessive startle response, clinical depression, and anxiety. It is also possible for a person suffering from PTSD to exhibit one or more other comorbid psychiatric disorders; these disorders often include clinical depression (or bipolar disorder), general anxiety disorder, and a variety of addictions.
Symptoms that appear within the first month of the trauma are called Acute stress disorder, not PTSD according to DSM-IV. If there is no improvement of symptoms after this period of time, PTSD is diagnosed. PTSD has three subforms: Acute PTSD subsides after a duration of three months. If the symptoms persist, the diagnosis is changed to chronic PTSD. The third subform is referred to as delayed onset PTSD which may occur months, years, or even decades after the event.
Communication That Really Improves Relationships
by Alina Ruigrok
Communication is something we all know is necessary to keep any relationship strong and loving, and although we are aware of the importance of communication, we still seem to be clueless about what exactly good communication really is. This does not mean you are clueless as a person, but it does mean that more attention is required on your part, so that you can become more open and invite the many forms of communication that exist, so that you will be able to understand yourself and your partner much better. There is nothing that keeps a relationship healthy, better than understanding and once you start becoming more familiar with your communicating styles, as well as your partners, you will be able to work better as a team in making the best of your relationship.
The first step in achieving better communication that will really work, is to take a look at you first. People always tend to turn to their partner first when things are not running so smoothly in their relationship. They automatically start pointing out what their partner is doing or not doing, as well as how their partner is not listening to them. This may all be true depending on your particular situation, but it is important that you take the responsibility in reviewing your own actions and communication first, before you can point anything out in your partner. Remember, it is very easy to see other people's mistakes, but when it comes to looking at you, it is much harder to accept criticism, even from yourself- because no one wants to be wrong. This is where you need to get real about things. Communication is not about who is right or wrong, but instead about helping each other see things from each other's perspective, so that you can be on the page and avoid any misunderstanding that will cause unneeded arguments.
Get winning out of your mind. So many couples claim to have tried communication, but it does not seem to work. If this is your case, then the best thing would be to slow down, calm down and take a few steps back. Perhaps communication is not working for your relationship, but what method of communication are you using? You see, communication itself cannot be the problem or the ineffective ingredient, because communication is the main key to a healthy relationship, so it must be the way you and your partner are communicating. When you or your partner talks to each other, do one or both of you talk to win the conversation, or to actually reach a level of understanding of each other's needs and wants? Believe it or not, it is very common for people to focus on being right and trying to convince their partner of seeing things their way, instead of just sharing what they think and feel so their partner can understand what they mean and what they need.
Listening is so important if you truly wish to accomplish good communication that will improve your relationship. Are you really listening to what your partner is saying to you, or are you waiting to get things off you chest and make your points? Listening may sound like an easy enough thing to do, but many confuse it with hearing. Hearing what your partner is saying versus listening to them, are indeed very different. Listening involves true dedication and your full attention to the words your partner is serving to you, as well as the tones and expressions that go along with those words. Listening means that you are interested in learning more about what your partner is making an effort to tell you and making the emotional connection needed in order to achieve your relationship goals together. Keep in mind that when in a relationship, all communication between partners has to be open, honest, non-judgmental and patient, if you are to succeed and maintaining a happy and healthy relationship.
Communication is not so complicated, once you understand what the right way communicating is, and of course- what methods of communication works for you and your communication best. Effective communication cannot happen on it's own or with the efforts of only one person. Both you and your partner have to be open and willing to work as a team on improving the way you communicate, so that you both can enhance your relationship skills and build a relationship where you both will have an understanding of who you are as individuals and what you both need and want. Just remember to stay real with yourself and avoid painting a foggy and falsified picture- so that you will never be caught off guard with nay-painful surprises or stressful misunderstandings.
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